Ik, absurd question, how God wouldn't know His sheep.
But I often feel like I'm going to end up in lake of fire and judged.
Well, how can you be sure that this isn't where you're headed? On what basis more solid than ever-changing feeling can you anchor your confidence that you're one of God's "sheep"? The apostle Paul urged his fellow Christians to "examine themselves, test whether or not they were in the faith (
2 Corinthians 13:5)." He even said that they could do the same to him, too, and see that he was in the faith. So, there is some standard, some criteria, by which to judge whether or not you're in the faith, that you're a born-again child of God. I'm guessing you don't know what that standard is. In short, it is the life and work of the Spirit in you. The Holy Spirit "bears witness" with our spirit that we are children of God, the Bible says (
Romans 8:16), and he does this by acting in the children of God in the way the Bible describes that he will. Do you know in what ways the Bible says the Holy Spirit will act upon you if you're truly born-again?
And my first thought that comes if I ever end up in such a place, is that I repent immediatelly and praise God. Even before any judgment takes place, as I would already be repentful in my heart.
It isn't your repentance that saves you, friend. Only Jesus can save you; he's the Savior, after all. Your repentance just brings you to the Savior for salvation, but your repentance isn't the thing that actually saves you from God's wrathful judgment. Again, there is only one Savior (
John 14:6; John 10:7-10; Acts 4:12; 1 Timothy 2:5).
And if everyone there (in that lake of fire) go against God, I wouldn't, I would just accept judgment weeping, just like my whole life.
Such an imagined state-of-affairs is not possible. God looks upon your heart and knows what is there. And, in any case, He accepts you because of Jesus and only because of him. What's more, God would never make the mistake of putting one of His own in hell. God doesn't make mistakes.
I know probably this isn't possible because if we feel repentant now then, there's no judgment and God don't make mistakes. But I can't escape that feeling of why God you left me.
He hasn't left you. If you feel that He has, perhaps it is because, in some way,
you've left Him. But if you're one of His by trust in Christ and submission to him as your Lord (
Romans 10:9-10), He will never leave nor forsake you (
Hebrews 13:5), regardless of what feelings may rise and subside within you. God isn't controlled by what you may or may not feel.
What I can do not to feel this way ?
Well, it depends upon why you're feeling the way you are. It sounds to me like you don't properly understand why it is God accepts vile, lost sinners (which all of His children were when they were saved -
Titus 3:3-5; Ephesians 2:1-6; Colossians 1:19-22). Until you get this straight, until you are clear on the basis for God's acceptance of you, you will always feel like your salvation - your acceptance by God - is in jeopardy.
All of God's children are
only "accepted in the Beloved" (
Ephesians 1:6), who is Jesus Christ. Because we have trusted in Christ as our Savior and yielded to him as Lord (
Romans 10:9-10), we are in him, we have "put on the Lord Jesus Christ" (
Romans 13:14; Galatians 3:26-27). In Jesus, we are clothed in his perfect righteousness, and made "new creatures," "temples" of the Holy Spirit, who gives to us in himself the life of Jesus Christ (
1 Corinthians 6:19-20; Titus 3:5; Romans 8:9-14). Those who have "put on" Christ, who have trusted in him as Savior and submitted to him as Lord, are also made "priests and kings" (
Revelation 1:6), they are freed from the penalty and power of sin (
Romans 6:1-11; 1 John 5:11-13), and they are
forever acceptable to God.
Why are they forever accepted by God? Because they are in Christ who is always accepted by God. In Christ, whose perfection and place in the Godhead is unalterable, the Christian person may rest (
Matthew 11:28-30), knowing that Christ's salvation of them is perfect, utterly complete, needing nothing from them. God the Father sees His children in Christ, clothed in him and all the perfection that he is, and is fully satisfied, accepting them eternally for Christ's sake.
Not feeling that all this is so does nothing to change the fact of these things being so. Your feelings cannot dissolve or alter what I've described above. Begin, then, to order your feelings under what God has said. Put His word before and above what you feel. As you make a habit of doing so, your feelings will come into line with God's truth and cease to plague you in the way they are presently doing.
Or I should do nothing, to carry as I usually do, and not rely on feeling (my thoughts that I'm gonna end up in lake of fire no matter how repentant I am now (and actively trying to live righteous life), bit to rely on God's Word of promise, even if it's not reality I see rn. (I 'see' that I'm ending in lake of fire).
See above.
Like, is it because I oftentimes feel tired to pray diligently because I prayed so long and so much for same thing I'm still not getting and wondering why I'm not getting it.
You don't seem to understand how the Christian life works. It's not you doing for God; it's Him doing for you.
Philippians 1:6
6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 2:13
13 for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.
1 Peter 5:10
10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
Jude 1:24-25
24 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy,
25 to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.