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Dating with a Purpose

Susannah

Susannah
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“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3:

Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith. This will not happen if you date just for the sake of having fun. Dating should lead to courtship and marriage. This is dating with a purpose.

These days single people have dating down to a science. They know where to meet people. They have an excellent online profile that says nothing about what they really want, but is guaranteed to get someone’s attention. They have the clothes they need to impress their date, and they are excellent conversationalists.

What they do not have is an understanding of how to get what they really want. They think impressing someone is enough. They want someone handsome or beautiful in their life to compensate for their own low self-esteem. They glide from one date to another hoping something magical will happen. In other words, they are not dating with the idea to find a partner who can help them grow in their faith.

The most important thing about dating is that one make a concerted effort to find out if there is enough compatibility to sustain a healthy relationship which includes romantic love, excitement, getting along, and a future together. In other words, dating with a purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner.

This is not always easy. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful.

Since selecting the right partner is one of the most important things we do in life, I have created a list of things one should look for in a relationship. You can use this as a guide.

1. Honesty that engenders trust;

2. Shared faith;

3. The ability to negotiate or compromise;

4. Self-awareness;

5. Self-esteem;

6. Communication skills;

7. Sexual compatibility;

8. There should be a recognition of the fact that each person had a different childhood experience;

9. Similar (but not necessarily identical) values: This includes such issues as money, monogamy, and parenting;

10. Patience and tolerance;

11. It is important to accept the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very ordinary or even boring;

12. The willingness to substitute influencing for controlling: Saying something once and then letting it go. Being a role-model instead of nagging someone to change;

13. Healthy boundaries;

14. Devotion;

15. Quality time together;

16. Knowing when to stay and when to leave;

17. It is also important to have compatibility and “ease” in a relationship: At the same time, it must be understood that no relationship is perfect;

18. The willingness to face your problems (without over-reacting);

19. Reciprocity (give and take);

21. Realistic expectations. After the honeymoon, relationships are not a romantic fantasy;

22. Readiness for a relationship (both partners);

I believe we cannot just start dating and hope that everything will fall in to place. I think we need to be honest from the beginning about what we are looking for and move on if we are not happy. .
 

WIP

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“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3:

Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith. This will not happen if you date just for the sake of having fun. Dating should lead to courtship and marriage. This is dating with a purpose.

These days single people have dating down to a science. They know where to meet people. They have an excellent online profile that says nothing about what they really want, but is guaranteed to get someone’s attention. They have the clothes they need to impress their date, and they are excellent conversationalists.

What they do not have is an understanding of how to get what they really want. They think impressing someone is enough. They want someone handsome or beautiful in their life to compensate for their own low self-esteem. They glide from one date to another hoping something magical will happen. In other words, they are not dating with the idea to find a partner who can help them grow in their faith.

The most important thing about dating is that one make a concerted effort to find out if there is enough compatibility to sustain a healthy relationship which includes romantic love, excitement, getting along, and a future together. In other words, dating with a purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner.

This is not always easy. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful.

Since selecting the right partner is one of the most important things we do in life, I have created a list of things one should look for in a relationship. You can use this as a guide.

1. Honesty that engenders trust;

2. Shared faith;

3. The ability to negotiate or compromise;

4. Self-awareness;

5. Self-esteem;

6. Communication skills;

7. Sexual compatibility;

8. There should be a recognition of the fact that each person had a different childhood experience;

9. Similar (but not necessarily identical) values: This includes such issues as money, monogamy, and parenting;

10. Patience and tolerance;

11. It is important to accept the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very ordinary or even boring;

12. The willingness to substitute influencing for controlling: Saying something once and then letting it go. Being a role-model instead of nagging someone to change;

13. Healthy boundaries;

14. Devotion;

15. Quality time together;

16. Knowing when to stay and when to leave;

17. It is also important to have compatibility and “ease” in a relationship: At the same time, it must be understood that no relationship is perfect;

18. The willingness to face your problems (without over-reacting);

19. Reciprocity (give and take);

21. Realistic expectations. After the honeymoon, relationships are not a romantic fantasy;

22. Readiness for a relationship (both partners);

I believe we cannot just start dating and hope that everything will fall in to place. I think we need to be honest from the beginning about what we are looking for and move on if we are not happy. .
How do you determine #7 and remain pure until marriage at the same time?
 

kiwidan

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Why do woman go crazy?
 
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Who Me

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It is sexual attraction that causes boy and girls to want to date. The excitement of spending time with a member of the opposite sex and the heighten excitement of holding hands, cuddles and of course kisses.

Through this a friendship develops that may turn into something deeper than sexual attraction and a need for companionship.

Christians should hold the highest possible moral standards while dating/courting and should use the time to get to know each others likes dislikes, and how they function in the stresses of life.
This takes time, so there should never be a case of boy meets girl and 6 months later are married.
I have posted elsewhere here on marriage giving some links to an extreme view of Christian courtship andof roles in marriage.
 

Classik

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It is sexual attraction that causes boy and girls to want to date. The excitement of spending time with a member of the opposite sex and the heighten excitement of holding hands, cuddles and of course kisses.

Through this a friendship develops that may turn into something deeper than sexual attraction and a need for companionship.

Christians should hold the highest possible moral standards while dating/courting and should use the time to get to know each others likes dislikes, and how they function in the stresses of life.
This takes time, so there should never be a case of boy meets girl and 6 months later are married.
I have posted elsewhere here on marriage giving some links to an extreme view of Christian courtship andof roles in marriage.
Your first paragraph...
 

Classik

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“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3:

Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith. This will not happen if you date just for the sake of having fun. Dating should lead to courtship and marriage. This is dating with a purpose.

These days single people have dating down to a science. They know where to meet people. They have an excellent online profile that says nothing about what they really want, but is guaranteed to get someone’s attention. They have the clothes they need to impress their date, and they are excellent conversationalists.

What they do not have is an understanding of how to get what they really want. They think impressing someone is enough. They want someone handsome or beautiful in their life to compensate for their own low self-esteem. They glide from one date to another hoping something magical will happen. In other words, they are not dating with the idea to find a partner who can help them grow in their faith.

The most important thing about dating is that one make a concerted effort to find out if there is enough compatibility to sustain a healthy relationship which includes romantic love, excitement, getting along, and a future together. In other words, dating with a purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner.

This is not always easy. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful.

Since selecting the right partner is one of the most important things we do in life, I have created a list of things one should look for in a relationship. You can use this as a guide.

1. Honesty that engenders trust;

2. Shared faith;

3. The ability to negotiate or compromise;

4. Self-awareness;

5. Self-esteem;

6. Communication skills;

7. Sexual compatibility;

8. There should be a recognition of the fact that each person had a different childhood experience;

9. Similar (but not necessarily identical) values: This includes such issues as money, monogamy, and parenting;

10. Patience and tolerance;

11. It is important to accept the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very ordinary or even boring;

12. The willingness to substitute influencing for controlling: Saying something once and then letting it go. Being a role-model instead of nagging someone to change;

13. Healthy boundaries;

14. Devotion;

15. Quality time together;

16. Knowing when to stay and when to leave;

17. It is also important to have compatibility and “ease” in a relationship: At the same time, it must be understood that no relationship is perfect;

18. The willingness to face your problems (without over-reacting);

19. Reciprocity (give and take);

21. Realistic expectations. After the honeymoon, relationships are not a romantic fantasy;

22. Readiness for a relationship (both partners);

I believe we cannot just start dating and hope that everything will fall in to place. I think we need to be honest from the beginning about what we are looking for and move on if we are not happy. .
Alright. Number 1 is quite interesting. However some may suggest you dont talk about certain things...
 

kiwidan

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Seems some women respond better to lies told than sheer truth.
That is true, the crazy psycho who just blocked me after I split and moved out of her house even admitted to me when she says "I'm fine" it really means I should have asked her if she would like a hand.

It's not my fault when a woman goes crazy and lies and says they are fine when they are not and I'm just chilling on the deck having a beer in peace why they getting all frustrated over something.

Some people are too self proud, afraid to just ask for a hand when they need or want one. Dudes are just as shocking with self pride. Even Jesus asked for a hand, he asked a follower to go him a donkey, not afraid to ask.
 
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Susannah

Susannah
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How do you determine #7 and remain pure until marriage at the same time?
Excellent point. I had not thought about that. I think some attraction and romantic love is important to get through the ups and downs. It just cannot be the most important thing in a marriage.

If there is passion that is not yet consummated you should be alright. You can also discreetly discuss sex during the courtship and see if you are both on the same page with regard to sexual matters. This would include frequency and styles of love making.

Part of sexual compatibility includes sexual values like staying monogamous when the passion ebbs later in the marriage. You should discuss these things. Even in a Christian marriage fidelity needs to be discussed and agreed to.
 

Susannah

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About men and women going crazy after a breakup . . .

This is why I started a recovery forum. One of the categories is love addiction. A love addict gets too attached to the people she or he is dating. When it is over love addicts cannot deal with the rejection and they feel abandoned. This is physically and emotionally painful. We call this withdrawal. They fight back with various actions like obsessive texts etc. trying to get back together. Most of the time they really don't want the person they just want the pain to go away. For more about this go to the recovery forum.
 

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This Post caught my eye. It goes along with a very recent "Facebook Post" of mine.



Below find the text. It was posted to my FB page about three (3) hours ago.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

~Confucius
Followed by my comment:

There is a fourth (4th) way. A 'higher way'. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 2:7, “We impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God [that is, he imparts it to believers], which God decreed before the ages for our glory.”

But where is this secret to be found? Timothy was a disciple and friend of the Apostle Paul. He explains:

2 Timothy 3:15: “The sacred writings [the Scriptures] are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

Notice how wisdom functions. It is a means to a goal. Is it possible that I've lost my way from short-or-nearsightedness? Sadly, it may be so.

🤔 Prayers for me and mine are needed and always welcome.
________________________________________


While posting on my personal Facebook I was trying to work something out. Trying to express something almost inexplicable. Where have we gone wrong? How might we (as a society) regain what is lost? I've heard somewhere that much of a solution may be found in posing a proper question and find that I'm very fond of the question that forms the basis of your instruction here, Susannah

It seems to me that we are both trying to address a change that has happened in recent times (I'm 66 years old, so our understanding of 'recent' may differ) and that both of our thoughts point toward the WHY? Of it all.
 

Sparrowhawke

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Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith. This will not happen if you date just for the sake of having fun.
You have said, "Part of being a Christian is to grow in faith."

Yes. Agreed. That is part of it. But then there's nothing wrong with fun, either. How about just getting to know each somebody as an "excuse" to date somebody. Just that. A Christian, in all righteousness, could still go bowling (for instance) with a member of the opposite sex. Or they could do just about any mutually enjoyable activity. Outdoor fun. Aquariums. Plays or Theater. Picnics. FOOD... oops, I digress ...

When I was in Bible College some of the ladies complained because it seemed that they were required to sacrifice all social activities with members of the opposite sex. They wouldn't date worldly men and Christian men (for some reason) wouldn't date them. It was a given that they were chaste, perhaps that could be thought of as a 'reason' but certainly it isn't at all reasonable. Don't date because they won't fornicate? Why should that matter to their male counterparts in the church? Simply stated, it should not.

When my sons were teenagers I instructed them to go out on dates just to do things with other Christians for fun. The church word was "fellowship" but I changed that as it was too restrictive and to me? Almost un-godly. I do have a peculiar way of thinking though. But who wants to restrict friendship to fellowship to sitting next to a "date" in church? Also, where can one find a 'proper chaperone' these days anyways?

Isaiah 1:18-20 "Come now, let us settle the matter, [let us reason together]" says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

_________________________________________
Two requirements are mentioned by the Holy Spirit through the Prophet, Isaiah: Willingness and Obedience. Sadly, few (including my sorry self) are both. Your admonishment that we, as Christians, have a duty to put God first is spot on. If there were only two laws, it might just well be the first and foremost, yes?
 

Susannah

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You are right. I guess it is just a matter of semantics. When friends to out to have fun that is just going out to have fund with someone of the opposite sex. To me that is different than dating. Dating usually has a hidden agenda: If things work out we might fall in love and live happily after. That is not on the table when going out just to have fun Anyway, I get your point. I was being a little too strict. I almost deleted it after I wrote it..
 

Sparrowhawke

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Our sharing in conversation is like a table. You give of your food and nourishment that has been acquired over many years and experiences. It is from Him. I take it into me and "chew on it" or ponder it. In that small, tiny way, we are becoming closer to being "One" and symbolically, isn't his what marriage is?

I for one am very glad you didn't delete. Also, it's nice to meet you. I know we can be friends for we have shared a meal and you know what? Where two or more of you are gathered ...

((Yes, come Lord. We need You. We desire to be with you now.))

While chewing my cud, I might sip from the pure milk of the Word and combined, these things, these elements form our meal. Presently there may come a time when I have something else to offer. Or yet another guest may join the table. How boring a meal of a single taste or flavor. There's room for many, if our Banquet is to be savored. FOR in truth we are preparing a mean for our King. You are His. He is yours and they (those in the world) will know us because of His Love Banner flying over our conversations and interactions. Is this not the case?
 
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Sparrowhawke

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I can't figure out how we are to obey the admonishment, "Greet each other with an holy kiss." But maybe this is symbolic. This spring I will (God willing) travel to meet a friend that I have not seen in a long, long time. Since 2004 maybe? Some 16 years or so. Our very first meeting was back in elementary school. 2nd grade.


We will greet each other and with this guy, my best friend, it will be as if we had not been apart save for a moment. That's a kiss maybe, after a manner of speaking, that is. A familiar and intimate greeting of the hearts. Our society (and the world itself) puts so much emphasis on flesh. Segue to "Horses".

Psalm 20:6-7 Now this I know: The LORD gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the LORD our God.

The song is heard: Another sip is taken. The song is heard in the background. Faint now.
Song of Solomon 5:8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, If you find my beloved, that you tell him I am sick with love!

There is no condemnation in Christ. He loves you beyond measure and without room for criticism for there is no longer any need. All His works are accomplished. We will witness these things; it is our heritage. He comes like a roe on the mountains. OUR GOD! Would that we could see Him face to face.

Luke 4:22 (as transliterated from my heart to yours) ... and He began by saying, "Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing. The common people heard him daily and marveled at the gracious words he spake."

__________________________________________________

And what have we here???


It is a relation reciprocated. You've spoken something I can relate to. We are relatives, though we have not met. That's the essence of a reciprocal relationship, is this not so? We do not yet know each other well enough to say more than we share something of value. One person has offered a tid-bit and another relates.

A search is made for a friendly, share worthy portion to be offered in return. What fills our hearts proceeds out from our mouths and this, is the Word of Truth, perhaps oversimplified by me, but still, we're young in the Lord and will grow, mayhaps together.

You said:
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3:
Here, I have tried here to say, "Thank you," to a 'stranger' in Christ if there is such a thing. It's a little more intimate (by His Spirit in us) than pressing a "LIKE" button but I do like what you said. Can you tell? I whispered to God and asked Him to help me. That's why.
 
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Sparrowhawke

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My dad and mom were both born more than 100 years ago. I suppose much of what I have is dated. For instance, perhaps we are speaking of two slightly different things? In my way of thinking there is and should be a difference between "dating" and "courtship". How neglected our children are that they may be raised by television and writers who sell the next generation out. It reminds me of Isaac and Esau whose heritage was exchanged for a bowl of pottage of lentils. You've heard it said, "We are what we eat."

Dating and Courtship. One is a prelude to the other. Sadly, the juxtaposition between these two distinct concepts has caused tremendous harm.


Dating can be thought of as a purely social activity in absence of romance. This isn't the modern definition but much of that [modern dating] by design leads to the baby of <lust> being birthed between saints. This <baby> grows and gives birth to <sin> and that baby grows and gives birth to <death>: separation from God. This gives us False bonds of "love" and inevitably Broken Relationships. The basis of our relations (for God IS love) is Kadosh / Holy and separate from all sin.

Here! Another song: Yeshua (Jesus) Kadosh (Holy) ! We are to be like Him. Commanded (as part of our foundational doctrine) to

Jas 1:14-18 KJV said:
But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
Okay... I'm getting full here. It's so strange because I'm diabetic and haven't eaten today. Not fasting just no need and no hunger. It's almost bed-time for me and I could keep on writing. My hope is that I haven't rambled too much; there is some salmon in the fridge with my name on it. BFN I hope I haven't burdened your post overly.
 
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