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[__ Prayer __] "You are a -convicted felon- ! "

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someone said that at me (neither to me nor in a talk with me...at me, in my direction....happens, when one is an outcast...), as I was coming in tonight, and...

I'm not, actually. its a long, sordid story I've told and retold already (mostly here...sorry, CFnet regulars...), but...

I -could- have ended up with a felony; I didn't, and what I did end up with seems to have been sealed. Which...I think in my state means it can't be used against me for housing, most sorts of employment (but not all....healthcare is off limits, I think...), etc. i dunno. clearly, God has seen fit to extend some amazing grace in my direction. anyway...


I actually have 0 on a background check. But, I'm kinda glad I heard it tonight, because it explains a lot...for a nation in which so many people end up in jail, prison, etc., the US--especially conservative areas-- sure is hard on people. So, I guess people see a "convicted felon" living in their neighborhood, and they're getting all riled up? I dunno. and...

its not that I'm "too good" to be a convicted felon (it could have happened, easily), its just...I'm not, and now I see just a bit of what keeps people in and out of jail, etc...its society, it seems, on top of anything and everything else.


OK. So, I'm offering up prayer. I'm starting to -get- part of why people are so openly disrespectful and harsh towards me, and also...I'm a little concerned that people might think its a-OK to mess with my stuff or me or...something.


blah. frustrating...more than a little bit...but at least things are coming together, in my mind, and things...make more sense now, I guess. :) thanks.
 
In one of my relatively recent Sociology classes the Professor demonstrated a seldom considered fact by conducting a 2-day poll of the adults gathered seemingly randomly into his class. He had conducted the study with every class since the beginning of his very first Lesson Plans by taking polls as instructive aids, and defining things like "impartiality" and other consideration that must be included prior to examination of the evidence (to avoid, or side-step bias) included:

  1. The target audience: Who was being interviewed or polled?
  2. Under what conditions were the interviews conducted? If the subjects were interrupted in a heated argument, the expected outcome could be greatly influenced. Setting is important.
  3. How long ago was the poll taken? Is it out of date or does it still have use?
Audience:
Prior to our research assignment, when the little army of Soc 101 students were turned loose onto the campus, clipboards and extra pens available, where yours truly chose a study on Smoking Cessation, our setting was in the classroom. Our subject of study was an unbiased, "Criminal Acivity Poll".

Setting:

We felt safe and were assured of our privacy. The professor took pains to not look as the tallies were counted. He said, "I don't want to know," and I believed him. I remember him pulling down a large screen, fit for projection, and stepping behind it, we could only see his voice. There were no cameras or recorders allowed. It was okay to take notes but we had been led to agree to leave all the personal things and discussions that happened in that class there, in the room, as we departed to continue our day. It made for a conducive atmosphere. "I think he knows what he's doing," was my simple enough conclusion. It was the last year of that particular instructor's career and he had confided about his plans during his upcoming retirement. I had guessed right.

Timeframe:

Fall Quarter 2015, Sociology class

In this setting the Educator began to lead us through a series of questions designed to reveal our status as law-abiding and/or lawless individuals. We were given examples of fraud, even if it were a tiny thing, for example, if one had misrepresented themselves to anybody, ever... This misdemeanor activity was deliberately broadened to catch as many fish as possible, was my response thought. But then he polled about more serious criminal activity and for this my memory will no longer do the subject justice unless I were to gather my notes from the class, and they are long since tucked away.

But I do remember one. It caught me.
"Have you every downloaded copyrighted material, such as a movie or song, without permission?" He was asking us to self-report our Online Pirate Activity and I was convicted. We went up the scale to convicted felons, and covered the other, hidden base also when we were asked, But what about when you got away with it but didn't get caught. We didn't raise our hands. It was a secret poll.

Of the 32 students, our class hit the mark. We were told that our population result was more dense than any other class he has ever conducted. 17 out of the 33 students were felons. Well, per that definition, that is. We were informed that the Median Average for the set of all students was much closer to 11 out of 30. I'll admit, I was being very honest, in a strict Christian sense, so I may have tipped the scale because of my willingness and training, 1 John 1:9 (KJV) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Yeah, not the norm, but then? Who is?
 
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I once got arrested by a man made law, some human beings wanted me to recieve a penalty simply because I had something on me they disagreed with.

I had to go court and i received a penalty but it never went on record, I had to behave myself for two years or It would go on file as convicted criminal
 
my only problem is...

well, ok.... i have more than one problem with all this. its rough, when people yell out lies at me, and mess with me because they really think I have some kind of heinous background (my background check is actually clear, 0...somehow, I even got rid of an unpaid traffic ticket that had been stuck on there for a long time...), and...

its about power and control, its about stigma, its about lies vs truth, and its about...human decency, maybe?

but, i mean...rough as it is, when people act so ridiculous, it could be worse...i could actually -have a felony- , which...would probably mean i wouldn't be living here, I wouldn't be able to volunteer where I"m volunteering, and...yeah. so, I now have much more genuine compassion for those who, one way or another, end up with a felony in these united states.

its also about....in my situation...being labeled 'delusional' and/or 'pathological liar' when i just speak the truth. as in...'what do your parents do for a living?' 'well, mama does xyz, dad does abc,' and people are so ridiculous about ripping me to shreds, they'll say (even now that mama's retired, btw) 'she isn't a ()! he's got upper class pretensions! ,' but then...

turns out, there have been times people have pushed to ruin my parents' careers. mama's outta there, retired, done. happier than ever. dad's still going strong, he actually managed to get a promotion fairly recently....

so, again: God has poured out some -amazing grace- on my family and me. not complaining about God, no fault in Him. its people around me who just...a) cannot seem to get a hold of an actual background check, for some reason (weird) and b) cannot seem to stop going out of their way to rip my family and me to shreds.

its frustrating, I'll put it that way. :)
 
We can never let our past define who we are now in the present as being in Christ and He in us. Jesus has overcome the world giving us the victory over those who torment us. We are told to not only love our enemies, but to also pray for them. Usually those who bully have a deep seeded problem with self esteem and this is why they act out in this manner to be accepted by their peers as they usually walk in groups. I feel sorry for them and pray they will see the light of Christ shining through you as they see joy your despite their torment.
 
ok. i do pray for my enemies, gov't leaders, etc., per Jesus' instructions in Scripture. I'm not the world's best Christian, but I am -a- Christian, so...there's that.

I just get frustrated. its about control, really...and its frustrating.
 
Control can be frustrating, especially when it's people you have never met and don't even know I have never eveb said hello, and they don't even know you, making laws telling you what you can and cannot do and if you disagree and do the opposite you broke there rule and recieve a penalty, why, because a few human beings who don't even know you said so.
 
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ok. i get frustrated, but its...OK. better than OK, actually, by God's grace.

I paid $$ and did a national background check on myself...the kind the requires the social, can be used for employment and/or housing, etc...and nothing came up. nothing. even a minor ticket i forgot to pay years and years ago, which I assumed would haunt me forever (odd state laws...long story...) seems to have been sealed or something. so...

without psychoanalyzing the bullies and/or (once again...LOL) over-analyzing the situation, it seems that people assume and honestly think I have all kinds of nastiness on my background, and that gives them some sort of "right" to taunt me. they'll say things like "he -cannot- live here' and 'who's paying for all this?' and "where's the money coming from?," and the thing about it is...

i don't belong to them. i don't answer to them. I answer to THE LORD, thank goodness. Don't get me wrong; I don't do crazy or illegal things. I don't even drink. People have yelled into my place "these floors should be spotless! who's paying for this!" and "why is he still doing laundry?!?!" and "who's paying for all these plants?" and...and...

-sigh- not to come down too, too hard on American culture, but I don't think stuff like this happens in, say, Canada. Maybe it does. I kinda doubt it. What's strange about American culture is how somehow the working and lower middle classes (that'd be most of the people in my complex/neighborhood) have been brainwashed to hate people who are unemployed, cannot work, etc....."welfare bum" is one I get a lot, for instance. I mean...this is a modest, nice, safe area, but the way the world works...a lot of these folks are a lay off away from needing help, themselves...why the hatred? I blame the media, personally.

but other than that...it seems like a lot of bullies who are filled with false "information" about me, my parents, our situation, etc., want to push me around (again...and again....). I dunno. I kinda wonder, now, if I would have been better off, in a small house somewhere, but...

a condo seemed like a safer situation, less maintenance, too. so, i dunno. i like my place, i am blessed, i am increasingly grateful, I just...

don't like being bullied, the attempts at control and such. blah. :-(
 
You did a background check so you know you don't have a warrant and no record, so you don't need to care about the bullies.

Because I'm not there and have not witnessed ot I don't know if it's just voices your hearing.

I used to be paranoid, very unsociable, diagnosed with phobic anxieties, but it was just fear and lack of confidence, I figured that out myself and worked on the issue, now I'm fine, I got good confidence and I don't fear. I was quite bad before like for example if I was around people I was sure I could hear people talking about me and laughing behind my back, but they were not, it was just in my head, so I rarely ever went out, it was just fear and low confidence, worried about things that don't matter.

I used to hate being around people and only enjoyed my own space or one other person was ok. Two or more people was not ok I was not comfortable and use to freak out and try make an excuse to leave.

I just didn't trust no one.
 
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I was majorly over prescribed legally on ritilin as a young teen by a psychiatrist at the same time i was smoking many daily weed bongs lots of marijuana., A few trips of LSD, and some shrooms. I remember when I took shrooms and I was so paranoid I could not even walk into a place there was a force field, the dude I was with was like come inside, filled with people, and a mental barrier blocked me I could not walk through the force field of paranoia. I tried multiple times to walk inside the doors and just could not do it.

I also tried meth a couple times but it did not do anything for me it was just the same buzz when I was over prescribed on ritilin when the system gave me 120mg a day, good high feeling but a more intense downer. So I quit after my second session many years ago. The regular Joe thought it was great, I did not.

I gave up all the drugs and only stuck to using alcohol as an alternative, it's the only dependant now I need to clean myself from because i am a alcoholic and I acknowledge it. Thats all I have to work on.

Under the mental health system I got ADDHD, Depression, and Phobic anxieties, but not anymore I work on my own issues. Only I know myself and only I can help myself.
 
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the mental health system is...a mixed bag, on a good day. blah.

I just saw my parents. I -do- hope to build a social life for myself, but...for now, and honestly in general, I think family should be 1st. Then hopefully I'll get a close Christian friend or 2, should God bless me in that way.

I do hear voices. I am also taunted. I don't know what to make of it, honestly. I'm not the least bit dangerous or anything, its more like...I'm blessed, but still flawed. And clearly...voices are, sometimes, a part of my lil slice of life. blah. it is what it is...

thanks again, y'all. :)
 
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