Adivce needed on disagreement between DH and Me

[Grace Alone]

Hi All -

I hope this doesn't turn into a rant, on my part. I'm a bit steamed right now, but I could really use some input so I can put this into perspective.

Okay, so Monday, my mom calls to tell me that my Aunt and cousin from Colorado are in town for the week. They moved out there last summer and haven't been back for a visit. So we are having a family get together at my grandparents' Thursday night. They live an hour and 15 minutes away. I told her that I would make it, but I'd have to talk to DH to find out if he'd be able to get off work an hour early (his job is pretty flexible). The party starts at 5pm, but many in our family are notorious for being late, so time doesn't really matter.

I told DH Monday night. Said, I was thinking he could just stay a half hour late a couple nights or go in early. I gave him and out saying that I would go by myself, if he wasnt' able to work that out. He said, he didn't think he'd be able to go. I just left it at that for the time being, thinking that maybe he would change his mind once he thought it through more. I do really want him to go, but I didn't want to be pushy. I just figured I'd give him some time. So before he left for work this morning, we got into a disagreement over the whole thing. I think that he is being totally selfish, but I don't know, maybe I am being unfair to him.

Sorry this is getting long.....

Here are my reasons for thinking he should go:

-Family is important and we don't know when my aunt will be in town again
-DH and I recently found out that we will be having our first child this winter and some of the family knows, but no one has seen us (except my parents) since hearing the news so I feel that it would be nice to go.
-I am gone three nights during the week until after 10 pm, and if I had my choice, I would prefer to stay home on Thursday - I am tired and not feeling that well from the pregnancy and I haven't gotten to spend much time with DH lately - but I think it's important that I go.
-DH is always home in the evenings and rarely has obligations. I know that he works hard during the day, and I'm afraid that I am maybe just being resentful because I don't get to be home at night.
-Even though tonight is the only night we will be able to spend together this week if he doesn't come with on Thursday, I feel that he would rather stay home alone then spend the time with me.

Here are DH's reasons:

-We will be driving through rush hour traffic
-It costs about $15 of gas in his truck each time we go down there and we were just there for Father's Day, and a couple weeks before for a graduation party. I understand that he is being more careful about financial things now that we will be having a baby.
-It will be inconvenient for him to leave work early, especially since we are going on vacation next week.

I realize that I have been more emotional lately with all these pregnancy hormones, and I don't want to blow this out of proportion. I could just use some objective opinions.

I feel so bad, because I don't want to make him feel guilty or selfish. He is such a wonderful man, and he is always striving to make me happy. I guess maybe that is part of the reason that I am so upset about this. We never have problems like this. We seriously never fight, and are both willing to make sacrifices for each other.

Am I just a crazy pregnant lady? :-?

Thanks for any input............

 

[Heidi Mighty Mo]

NO, you are not being just a crazy pregnant lady. In fact, that sounds so incredibly similar to my husband it is almost uncanny!

Part of the thing is that yes, men (in general) think differently than women on such issues (well, maybe I should jsut say MOST issues - lol). They are often thinking of the financial burden this or that will be and we are thinking more along the the importance of family and relationships. Neither of these are bad things but can be very frustrating when you end up pitting one against the other. Believe, me, I have been there many times myself and felt just like you...both while I was pregnant and while I wasn't.

What it really boils down to is trying to be understanding towards him and his concerns. You should take time to talk calmly to him about why this is important to you and also give him time, without interuption, to share why he feels the way he does. Be open to what he has to say and if he is truly concerend about taking care of his family and trying to be wise financially and such, then show your appreciation towards him for caring in that way.

I am grateful that God made my husband to be more to be more concerned about finances, saving for the future and such for though Iam finacially responsible, I was not good at saving my extra money until I married Patrick. However, it is also important to set aside time AND money for family. If we are always thinking of the future then we are not putting our energies into the now and those we love.

Now, there is likely more to it than the money issue as well. Maybe it is not feeling comfortable in that situation and he is looking for excuses to not go. Again, be honest with him and how you really like him to be there but also like you did before, offer to go alone and explain that you don't want to push him and if he is uncomfortable being in that situation, show him that you respect that and won't force or nag him into doing something he doesn't want to do. I am sure he will be grateful for that and maybe even likely to go with you just because he appreciates your openess and willingness to try to understand him.

 

[Nikki]

HAHAHA! I'm mad at my hubby over the EXACT same thing right now. We left Monday to go on vacation and just got home about an hour ago. I'm supposed to go to South Carolina to my sisters for my nieces 13th birthday and I want him to go also. Family from Georgia will also be there. It's gonna be almost the entire family. But my husband said he's tired of traveling and doesn't want to have to take off again, which I can understand. I don't want to have to drive for almost 3 hours either, but I AM. And I think he should go along also.

Oh well. If he went, he'd probably act miserable since I made him go, so I'm just leaving him behind. :roll:

 

[Grace Alone]

Thanks for the reassurance ladies. I really appreciate your insight Heidi. We did get everything worked out fine. He e-mailed me from work later that day and said that he would be willing to go if he didn't have to leave work early. Anyway, we talked everything over, and we realize that both of our views are valid and that we both have good reasons for them. With that said, neither of us ended up going, because I was feeling sick last night. : :-? :roll: I still feel guilty about that, but everyone understood.