luv4godremains said:
hi,
I'm new here,
I guess I kinda get lonely alot, not really knowing anyone in a similar situation to mine when it comes to "health problems" i geuss that's how to put it!
I was wondering if anyone here knows how it feels to struggle with self-injury, and have everyone around you judge you for it, well, the ones that know any way!
Hi and Welcome!
I used to be a cutter. That was back when I was a teen and also during my first year of marriage. My husband even left me because of it (many other reasons also, but that was one) for a short time until I got myself together. I didn't WANT help and didn't see anything wrong with me since it was MY body and I could do what I wanted to do with it. My whole issue was that it made me feel better. If I upset someone or made them mad, I would do it to discipline myself. Other times, I'd do it for no reason except that it made me feel better. There were also many times that I wanted to just kill myself, but thankfully I never got to that point that I actually tried it.
I was able to keep it so well hidden. I've always been known as being funny, outgoing and I love people. In school nobody could have guessed because "Nikki was always the silly one...making people laugh and smile She was always helping others learn to love themselves".
I sure had them fooled for a while.
One day my mom and I had gone shopping and in the car I went to reach for something. My sleeve pulled up and she saw my arm. She wanted to know what the heck happened. I just burst out crying. She pulled over and frantically started yanking up my other sleeve and I told her everything. I think by that time, I was probably WANTING help. Heck, my husband had left me, I was dating some other guy that treated me like crap, I had lost almost all my friends, I was drinking and pratying non-stop, etc. She went straight to a pay phone and called her doctor demanding that they see me right then and there. So, I got help from that point and soom after, my hubby and I got back together.
It was a long, hard road though. The last time I tried to hurt myself was when I was pregnant with my first daughter. UGH. It makes me feel sick and like the most horrible person in the world to think back to that day. I can't remember WHY I got so upset, but I just remember going into a complete rage and I had it in my head that I didn't deserve a baby so that I would stop my pregnancy on my own. I eventually went into preterm labor, but God must have been with me because she was a beautiful, healthy baby when she was born.....LATE! I was put on bed rest at 5 months along, yet she ended up coming a week PAST my due date. After that last "spell" I was fine and now I sit and think back to those days and wonder WHY I ever did such things. I don't really have an explanation except that it made me feel better and I obviously needed help.
I was on antidepressants to help me deal with the cutting, anger and depression. It took a few years before finding something that worked for me (I had to be on something for a while after my daughter was born). I also got saved when my first daughter was 6 months old. :angel: I think that right there was THE help that I needed! I've still had ups and downs with depression, but ever since that day, I've been able to openly talk to God about my problems. I feel like he and I have a wonderful relationship and he is TRULY my savior. Not just spiritually, but physically too. Without him, there's no telling where I'd be right now.
So, I have been cut free for 8 years now! I have a wonderful family, am happy, am going towards my goals in life, and love God. I don't know if your self injury is cutting, self mutilation or what, but there IS help out there. If you want to talk more about it, please pm me! I'll be praying for you.
: I'm sure she will be in here shortly to welcome you.
: but i will be more than happy to talk to you if need to talk! 
