[__ Prayer __] I need encouragement/advice/prayers please

[gt5879c]

My fiancé and I will be getting married in about 3.5 weeks (October 16). We have had some trouble keeping our relationship pure. We have never had full intercourse, but we have messed around and done things we shouldn't have done. It comes in waves. We are good for a while, then we let our guard down and do something sinful and regret it, ask for forgiveness, and then are good for a while until it happens again. This past Sunday, we again sinned and messed around, but this time it was different than any of the other times. This time we have both been strongly convicted of this sin and feel extremely hurt and ashamed of our actions. I liken the way we are feeling to what I imagine Adam and Eve felt when they sinned and God came looking for them in the garden. They were ashamed and wanted to hide from God. That's how we feel.

We are unsure what to do. We both love each other and want to get married, but we are just really hurting right now. I have been convicted that I have not been the fiancée that God has called me to be by not protecting the treasure he gave me. Last night, we prayed and cried out to God for his forgiveness and restoration. I just need some encouragement. I do not know if there will be lasting consequences. But if there are, well, we will have to suffer them. I am not as afraid of the consequences as I am ashamed that I sinned against God and my fiancé. We want our wedding night to honor God, but with this past Sunday's actions, we are both very ashamed and not sure how it will feel. Can you offer some encouragement and advice? Please don't make me feel worse than I already do.

 

[Mike]

I certainly don't want to promote any kind of license to sin, but I would like to say this. God knows your heart, and it sounds like both you and your fiance have them focused on Him. I think you're putting too much guilt on yourselves and not accepting His Grace.

That's not to say you shouldn't stop. You're setting yourselves up by putting yourselves in tempting situations. You're so close! I know the feeling in that situation. It's hard to be apart from each other. (That's the way we should feel about the Lord, BTW.) I would just advise you avoid being alone together until your wedding night. Don't carry this guilt into your union, and know that He knows your heart, and He will bless your marriage.

 

[l'Chante]

I have to commend you on your dedication to God and to fiancé. I'm really impressed. Not many are prepared to do what you are doing.

GT, I want to ask you to take what Mike said to heart. Apart from him being my best friend, he is a very wise man. Accept God's grace and he will bless you, your fiancé and your marriage because He knows your heart and he knows how hard you are both trying.

Congratulations on your wedding. Please post some photos of the big day? We would love to share in this special day.

 

[Michae1]

We just had a discussion in these Forums about when does a Christian marriage start, or something to that effect.

I had posted something like God considers you married when you present yourselves to others as married, when you act like your married, and when you feel in your heart you are married. God does not look at a piece of paper issued by the government, nor does he check for a religious ceremony that is not even mentioned in the Bible.

It sounds like you two are married already and do not even realize it.

Now I am not saying that having sex before marriage is okay if you feel strongly against it, but you two are human just like the rest of us. Stop beating yourselves up for being human. It sounds like you both have faith in God and that you love each other deeply. That dual faith in God obviously bonds you two together, more than a lot of couples I know.

Also, you do not have to suffer for your sins. Jesus did that for all of us already. The consequence has already been paid.

The decision to use your marriage day to honor God is an excellent idea. Anything done to honor and praise God is an excellent idea.

 

[HisSheep]

Hey gt5879c!

What, did you use some kind of random user-name generator or just bang your head on the keyboard or something?!

Welcome!

All great comments so far. My two cents: What you describe is the classic battle with sin. It really doesn’t matter what sin one describes, addiction, stealing, lying, sexual impurity; the patterns are always the same. Get used to it. Paul describes it divinely (pardon the pun) in Romans 7:14-25. The pattern of fallen human behavior is repeated by Israel countless times in the Old Testament for us to examine. How many times do we read, “Again, Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord.�

Expect to fall short of God’s glory. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just repent. Some one said (I forgot who) that the Christian walk isn’t really a walk; it’s falling down and getting up, falling down and getting up, all the way to Heaven. Ever heard that? You have 25 more days to honor God. I would not be ashamed to fast for a day or three in order to pray more fervently for strength to persevere. You’ll not do it of your own strength, but of God’s strength. This is the Lord’s battle; give it to Him and let Him fight it. Israel’s battles were always won by God. I love this bit from 2 Chronicles 20:

15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. 16 Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

We always have a difficult choice to make between our way and God’s way. This is our freewill being trained in righteousness. Maybe you won’t understand this analogy until you have kids of your own, but maybe you will: When I face a “my way or God’s way†scenario, I always ask myself what I would advise my kids to do if they faced such a decision. More often than not, it works. There is a certain self-hatred in sin, if you know what I mean. Parents love their kids in the same sort of way that God loves us. Just as God would make better choices for us, we would make better choices for our kids. We are like a bunch of kids down here. Try to make the choices God would have you make.

You are blessed to have a fiancé who is also walking with the Lord. It is unusual and powerful that you two have prayed together about this. Good on you both! It sounds like a match made in Heaven, to use an old saw.

-HisSheep

 

[theLords]

Take this time and grieve and mourn over your sin. Not just this one act but every act before it. Cut the ungodly soul tie you have with your fiancee. You can only develop a godly soul tie (with a spouse) after marriage.

You're on the right path to redemption and restoration. All you can do is let out the pain you feel inside over your sin. When we sin we don't relize the effect it has on us, until God exposes it to us, like He has done to your and your fiancee.

Congratulations to you and your future husband. May God bless your marriage.

Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Isaiah 42:3
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. O God, you do not despise a broken and sorrowful heart.

 

[gt5879c]

Thanks so much for the encouragement, folks. It really has put things into perspective.

HisSheep, that was my ID when I was a student at Georgia Tech years ago.

 

[l'Chante]

We still want to see the photos.

 

[gt5879c]

OK, I'll be sure to include some photos after the wedding. Thanks again!

Here's an engagement photo to tide you over until the wedding...

View attachment 1514

 

[l'Chante]

Stunning! She's a lucky girl. I pray that the good Lord will bless your marraige.