Marriage & Addictions?

[prayerfullyyours]

Hello All,

I would really appreciate some opinions & advice here...

I am married. I am married to a crack addict. He has been a crack addict for many years.

We have been separated now for almost a year. There is no doubt that I love the man. But there is no way to describe what entails living with a crack addict. He is not really improving. Since we have been separated, he went into rehab. Once he came out, within 2 weeks he was back on the pipe and worse than before.

Anyway, my question that I am soooo confused about ..... is as his wife, am i obligated to live with him? To put up with the abuse, the theft, the hookers, the starvation, etc....

Please share with me your thoughts and opinions. I have visited many support groups for families of crack addicts, and they all say to "Get out of there!" ... But I need advice, opinions, and guidance from other Christians.

Thank you,
Prayerfullyyours

 

[Quath]

I am a non-Christian and I agree that you should get out of there.

I am sure many Christians will probably agree with that (for different reasons) from what I have seen of others in a similar situation. I think they use the idea that the husband is suppose to be the head of the spiritual family and if he is not, he is leading you away from Jesus. Or they could say that the adultry is grounds for divorce.

Quath

 

[Nikki]

Anyway, my question that I am soooo confused about ..... is as his wife, am i obligated to live with him? To put up with the abuse, the theft, the hookers, the starvation, etc....

You are NEVER obligated to live in such a terrible atmosphere. You are also NEVER obligated to put up with the abuse.

Personally, I would have probably filed for divorce by now. I'm a christian and I know that many will say that I would be wrong for filing, but I just couldn't take living like that. It's the issue of divorce that is so touchy with christians. Not the issue of you living somewhere safer. Do you talk to him often?

My heart breaks for you, but just know that you are doing NOTHING wrong by not living with him. He's heading down a dangerous path and there is no reason you should have to be part of that. PRAY. That's all I can say. Pray for him AND for yourself.

Do you have children?

 

[prayerfullyyours]

Thank you

Thank you

Yes I have 3 children, and at this point the husband is using that as his heaviest manipulation.

He says that I had no right to take myself and the children so far away, as to deny access. And he says that he needs me & the children to get better.

But being so far away,... I dont have to be available to him when he has mood swings, cravings, anger & rage outbursts, etc...

He says that he is "trying" to get better, but he has been trying for 6 years.

He is a believer too, and he uses my faith against me quite a bit. Saying that I need to submit, stay, etc...
His favorite scripture is the one about the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and "longsuffering", and if i am not able to "long suffer' then I am obviously not close enough in my walk.

Thanks for listening,.... all opinions are welcome...
Prayerfullyyours

 

[Nikki]

You had EVERY RIGHT to take your children out of that atmosphere. Any good parent would do the same I would hope. If you didn't, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't consider you a good parent at all. I know that is harsh, but do people really think that God wants you to be in that situation? We're supposed to be a positive influence for our children. And if he's trying to make you feel guilty for taking them away, then that makes me believe that he's still using. I think that once a person was really clean, they would be able to see things clear and appreciate the fact that you cared enough about the kids to not want them to see their daddy act like that.

Your hubby needs to PROOVE to you that he can stay clean. I would give him an ultimatum and tell him that the first time he comes home high, I was out of there for good.

I'm sorry, but I don't take drug abuse or any kind of abuse lightly. I've got an aunt that is in an abusive marriage and it drives me crazy. Her kids have grown up seeing it and guess what? Her now 15 year old son is abusive. Has hit his mom (my aunt) , he's now a meth addict, been in jail, is drinking, etc. And what really gets me is that her hubby (the abuser) yells at his son for doing all this stuff. WHERE DOES HE THINK HE GOT IF FROM???!!!! UGH!! Why can't people understand?

Don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. I very well doubt you're out looking for another man. You're only protecting yourself and your children and I commend you BIG TIME for that.

 

[Divine_Design_21]

Prayerfullyyours:

I sympathize with you my friend. I too live with a spouse who is addicted to crack. I am 9 months pregnant and I told him that if he continues to use that I WILL leave him. I have already detached myself emotionally and prepared for the worst. He has spent nearly 7500 dollars in six months and we are nearly broke. It is very difficult I know...but I REFUSE to raise my daughter in an atmosphere of unrest and negativity. I would rather raise her alone than put her through that turmoil.

I gave him a book by Charles Stanley called "When the Enemy Attacks" and he finally sees what I have been telling him all along...that satan will use addictions or any area of weakness in our life to attack us and unless we are on guard, we are vulnerable.

I am in recovery from addiction myself and it pains me so much to see him putting himself through this because I went through it myself. If I can overcome that awful demon, I know anything is possible through God if one has faith that He can heal.

However, if your husband does not quit, you cannot put yourself and your family in jeopardy.

You are in my prayers.

 

[bornagainbeliever]

it's so hard to be married to someone who has a drug addiction. I myself have not figured out what God wants me to do in my own marriage. I love my husband, I believe God wants him to be my side but right now he isn't fit to be by my side I just haven't put enough faith in God to leave him. I'm scared to be alone, but I haven't stopped praying for God to show me what to do.

I don't suggest divorce, because technically this isn't a divorce issue this is a sin issues. Addictions comes out of the flesh desires, it's a cancer on the brain, it makes the user make horrible decisions. I don't hold my husband completely responsible for the decisions he makes while under the influence I however do feel that I have to be held responsible for letting him live with me and my kids while he's using. I believe but have yet the strength to carry out that seperation is a good thing, I want so badly to tell my husband that he has to quit using drugs to live with me and my kids, that if he wants to continue using drugs that he needs to live somewhere else. I won't divorce him because I believe that even if it takes us 10 years apart with me just praying and loving him before he gets what he needs to stay clean and sober then thats 10 years out of a hopeful 50 or more years of marriage. Idon't know if this helped but I'll be praying for you. Since your already gone I would suggest you put up boundaries and not allow him back into your home until he's willing to see what he needs to do to be a part of your home.