need help

[gobucks2073]

I currently have a 14 year old stepson that has caused problems for some time.The last incident he cursed out his mother and threw a basket of laundry at her.After all of the problems he has caused she still gives him his way when he complains just a little.When we ground him she still lets him do things he is grounded from.We have a 7 year old together and she treats him the same way.It is really starting to effect my son and I do not want him to grow up out of control like his brother.What can I do?????????

 

[Julian Pyke]

Ok, I don't know what your normal use of dicipline is but here is my advice:

1) Talk to your wife. Let her know what is wrong and why it eneds to change for BOTH children.

2) I don't know if you believe in spanking but do it if you do. For the 14 year old, he knows the rules, and he is not too old for a spanking. Take something thin like a tiny thing that goes on your drapes to move them or something, and give em a wack. 1 is all that's needed. For the 14 year old, spank him and ground him and keep him grounded.

List of things to do on the 14 year old:
First- Spank him and ground him. Keep him grounded. Ground him from something he loves the most FIRST... then take away something else if he keeps at it (while he is grounded). Third offense if he does it while still ground him, ground him from everything.
Second- next time he disobeys you ground him from everything on the spot for however long you see fit and spank him.

7 year old-
First- same as before
Second- Next tim he disobeys you, ground him from half things, then full. Time Out for 10 minutes to think about what he has done.
Third- same as second before.

or some kind of punishment on some scale. make it persistant, non changing.

 

[Quath]

General advise would be to mix positive and negative reinforcement. Do they get rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad? You also have to be very consistent. With younger children shorter punishments are needed. As they get older, the longer punishments work better.

You do need to work with your wife to come up with a solid front to your children. If bad behavior is partially punished, then the child will keep doing it or do it more. Partial reinforcement can be very effective at keeping a bad behavior going.

Good luck.

Quath

 

[Nikki]

I think the problem is that when he gets grounded, he's really NOT getting grounded since your wife lets him do what he wants. When you punish your child, you MUST stick with it. Otherwise your threats are just "empty threats". The kid will soon realize that you won't stick to it.

Personally, I would feel weird "spanking" my teen. I will swat my kids on the upper leg, but it's a last resort. We do a token system. That may not work for your son, but it's worth a shot. Reward him for good behavior. When he gets a certain number of tokens, stars, etc (whatever you decide to use), then he can maybe get a video game or movie rental. Teens are so different these days though, so I don't know what sort of punishment works for them. When I was growing up, I HATED gettting grounded. That was "THE" worst thing ever... : I used to beg my mom to just beat me or something and let me go back out with my friends or talk on the phone. Nope. She grounded me to my room...no tv, no radio, no phone, NOTHING.