Prioritising our love as a Christian

[Ralphias]

As a Christian how do you think we should prioritise our love of others and ourselves? Obviously God should come first as the Bible commands us, but something I've struggled with is where to put ourselves and others, should we love ourselves as much as others...less?

I know we should not love ourselves more than others or we become selfish.

I suppose It depends on who the others are for example your family,strangers, friends. I know this is a very difficult question to answer and struggle myself at putting myself anywhere but last on this list in times of need as I have a low self opinion and always see others as more important than myself.

Sometimes I wonder how God wants us to prioritise our love. Would you die for others in a time of need, in place of yourself if there were no other option; just them or you? Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, would you be able to break this human instinct to protect someone you love if a situation you were in called for it?

 

[daninthelionsden]

Having been raised in a hostile narcissistic step family with very blurred boundaries. I had to figure out a way to navigate relationships with normal boundaries. First I read The Four Loves by CS Lewis. I compared it to the Bible and found it an appropriate prioritization of human love. Later, as I spent a lot of time at other people's homes, I observed how functional families operated as mine was absolutely dysfunctional. So if I were to tell someone how to prioritize relationships, it would be as thus:
View your relationships as you would standing in front of a dart board.
At the center(bull's eye) is yourself.
When you accept Christ, then there is a cross within the bull's eye.
When/if you marry then 1/2 the bull's eye is you while the other 1/2 is your spouse with the cross at the center.
The first ring outside the bull's eye are your kids. And this is where your first boundary comes into play. The kids are never to interfere with their parent's marriage for the two became one.
The next ring is the spouses parents/siblings. These relationships are your core relationships. The parents/siblings are never to interfere with your marriage nor your parental duties as you see them.
Next is extended family. This is grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins/nieces &nephews.
Next is friends
Next is Church family
Next is co-workers, neighbors & acquaintances
Next is strangers
This is how I see how a fully functional family should be prioritized regarding relationships. This is predicated on that key word functional. If there is abuse present then it all goes out the window. Each family has its quirks/idiosyncrasies with divorce/remarriage having to be taken in to account. Each family is unique unto itself. Appropriate adjustments are to be considered/applied where warranted.
Anyway.....that's my two cents.

 

[evenifigoalone]

2 Timothy 2:24-25
24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth.

 

[Who Me]

how do you think we should prioritise our love of others and ourselves?

The biblical command is to love ones neighbour as one loves oneself.

There is No priority to loving others any more than there is no priority to loving oneself.

Put your care for others in context, we are to serve each other, but we are not to be a slave for everybody.
The ' go an extra mile' was to encourage us to do more than we are asked to do, not to work ourselves to death for someone who won't work.

 

[daninthelionsden]

The biblical command is to love ones neighbour as one loves oneself.

There is No priority to loving others any more than there is no priority to loving oneself.

Put your care for others in context, we are to serve each other, but we are not to be a slave for everybody.
The ' go an extra mile' was to encourage us to do more than we are asked to do, not to work ourselves to death for someone who won't work.

The Word says charity begins at home. Home first then others. I came from an abusive childhood where my mother allowed strangers in who ransacked our family. Sas this happen over and over in single mother homes. Kids get the short end of the stick when parents don't prioritize.

 

[Who Me]

The Word says charity begins at home. Home first then others. I came from an abusive childhood where my mother allowed strangers in who ransacked our family. Sas this happen over and over in single mother homes. Kids get the short end of the stick when parents don't prioritize.

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood.

But we are talking about practicing Christians who actually care about family and people.

 

[daninthelionsden]

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood.

But we are talking about practicing Christians who actually care about family and people.

New Christians aren't granted full gifts of knowledge/discernment, otherwise they wouldn't ask. You are talking about practicing Christians. The OP is asking as a new Christian. If they aren't, then they wouldn't ask.

 

[Ralphias]

New Christians aren't granted full gifts of knowledge/discernment, otherwise they wouldn't ask. You are talking about practicing Christians. The OP is asking as a new Christian. If they aren't, then they wouldn't ask.

Yea I'm a new Christian, I am the victim of narcisistic abuse too and still continue to be. I know what it feels like to be bullied and ridiculed through no fault of my own other than mixing with narcisists through inexperience of what others can be like, i didnt even know what a narcisist was until recently. Some people cant change and dont want to change. We're not born with full knowledge/ discernment of everything and i fell into a trap, metaphorically speaking.

Im in a position where I can't be myself and have no control over my current circumstances.

I feel life isn't always black and white i feel priorities need to be there when it comes to loving others and yourself. How can you love someone who persecutes you the same as someone who cares and respects you, and what if you dont love yourself as much as others becuase mistakes you made, low self confidence (these types of people dont usually speak up through fear of rejection, you never hear about these people and what they think), afterall not everyone has the same life experience...life can be hard for some through no fault of their own and easy for others, we all have different tests given to us by God. I know God's word is true and I know what context it is meant in, but for some situations and people, priorities need to be there. I dont feel this goes against the Word of God afterall we're all unique, everyone sees things a little differently (or a lot differently) and this is how I see things.

I dont want anyone in my life to go through what I have been through and so I put others before myself. It makes me happy to encourage and love others more than myself to be honest and i thank God for giving me and teaching me so much. I go the extra mile for others to please God...I choose to, even if it doesn't make any logical sense and i get myself in trouble, I'll do it anyway becuase God has a plan for all of us. Obviously I won't throw my life away for no good cause, I do it to follow His Word, i don't hate myself, I love myself, but I prioritize others before me regardless. If I can breath and function I can help people and by helping others I'm helping myself spiritually.

 

[Ralphias]

I asked to see what other Christians views are on this subject as its something ive always been curious about an I was unsure if others even think about things like this

 

[journeyman]

As a Christian how do you think we should prioritise our love of others and ourselves? Obviously God should come first as the Bible commands us, but something I've struggled with is where to put ourselves and others, should we love ourselves as much as others...less?

I know we should not love ourselves more than others or we become selfish.

I suppose It depends on who the others are for example your family,strangers, friends. I know this is a very difficult question to answer and struggle myself at putting myself anywhere but last on this list in times of need as I have a low self opinion and always see others as more important than myself.

Sometimes I wonder how God wants us to prioritise our love. Would you die for others in a time of need, in place of yourself if there were no other option; just them or you? Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, would you be able to break this human instinct to protect someone you love if a situation you were in called for it?

I know I couldn't. Dear God if anyone ever attacked a member of my family the way Gods' Son was, I would kill them and no one on earth would stop me. I think we're all becoming more like him though. That's why Isa.53 says,

the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. vs.12

That's chastisement, which brings peace,

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Heb.12:11

And our dear Jesus didn't exempt himself from his Fathers' teaching, even though he's not the One who needed it.

People wonder why the innocent suffer. I believe it's because God suffers more deeply than we can imagine,

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now......we ourselves groan within ourselves,.....Likewise the Spirit.... itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Rom.8:22-23,26

Our Father rejoiced that his Son loved sinners who thought of him as a criminal and hurt him terribly,

He shall see of the travail of his soul and shall be satisfied Isa.53:11

Satisfied by the travail of Someone who loves those causing his pain,

Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors. vs.12

Thank you Lord Jesus

 

[Who Me]

How can you love someone who persecutes you the same as someone who cares and respects you, and what if you dont love yourself as much as others becuase mistakes you made, low self confidence

We are told to pray for those who hate us and persecute us.
So pray intelligently for there good, pray regularly and also avoid them.
No where are we told to walk into trouble.

As for loving oneself when afflicted with low self estime, recognise that one is loved and valued for who one is, no matter what one thinks of oneself.
Jesus is the ultimate judge of all our individual worths, so look at him rather than at self.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Yea I'm a new Christian, I am the victim of narcisistic abuse too and still continue to be. I know what it feels like to be bullied and ridiculed through no fault of my own other than mixing with narcisists through inexperience of what others can be like, i didnt even know what a narcisist was until recently. Some people cant change and dont want to change. We're not born with full knowledge/ discernment of everything and i fell into a trap, metaphorically speaking.

Im in a position where I can't be myself and have no control over my current circumstances.

I feel life isn't always black and white i feel priorities need to be there when it comes to loving others and yourself. How can you love someone who persecutes you the same as someone who cares and respects you, and what if you dont love yourself as much as others becuase mistakes you made, low self confidence (these types of people dont usually speak up through fear of rejection, you never hear about these people and what they think), afterall not everyone has the same life experience...life can be hard for some through no fault of their own and easy for others, we all have different tests given to us by God. I know God's word is true and I know what context it is meant in, but for some situations and people, priorities need to be there. I dont feel this goes against the Word of God afterall we're all unique, everyone sees things a little differently (or a lot differently) and this is how I see things.

I dont want anyone in my life to go through what I have been through and so I put others before myself. It makes me happy to encourage and love others more than myself to be honest and i thank God for giving me and teaching me so much. I go the extra mile for others to please God...I choose to, even if it doesn't make any logical sense and i get myself in trouble, I'll do it anyway becuase God has a plan for all of us. Obviously I won't throw my life away for no good cause, I do it to follow His Word, i don't hate myself, I love myself, but I prioritize others before me regardless. If I can breath and function I can help people and by helping others I'm helping myself spiritually.

I was cast into a narcissistic toxic step-family as a result of adultery. I've dealt with toxic relationships all my life. I seem to attract those kinds of people like #@$%& attracts flies. I took only recently learned to identify what narcissism is. I saw many videos on YouTube on that subject. Videos by Jordan Peterson were the first exposure to identifying this toxicity and the beginnings of figuring out who I am personality wise and found out I am a severely damaged INFJ.

 

[Maria1217]

As a Christian how do you think we should prioritise our love of others and ourselves? Obviously God should come first as the Bible commands us, but something I've struggled with is where to put ourselves and others, should we love ourselves as much as others...less?

I know we should not love ourselves more than others or we become selfish.

I suppose It depends on who the others are for example your family,strangers, friends. I know this is a very difficult question to answer and struggle myself at putting myself anywhere but last on this list in times of need as I have a low self opinion and always see others as more important than myself.

Sometimes I wonder how God wants us to prioritise our love. Would you die for others in a time of need, in place of yourself if there were no other option; just them or you? Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, would you be able to break this human instinct to protect someone you love if a situation you were in called for it?

The proper order is to love God first, then yourself, and then your neighbor. Our Lord said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40

You can’t love others in the proper sense unless you love God first and then yourself. This is why we are not permitted to commit sin in order to save our neighbor.

It’s not helpful to dwell on questions about dying for others in a time of need. This is because we never know how we may behave in such circumstances. Instead, we ought to hope in God and pray that He will give us the grace to do that which is pleasing to Him in such circumstances.

Our first duty is to love God (obeying Him in all things) and secondly, to love ourselves in God (doing good and avoiding evil). Lastly, we love our neighbor as we love ourselves - in God - by always desiring the same good for them, temporal and eternal, which we desire for ourselves

 

[Maria1217]

I was cast into a narcissistic toxic step-family as a result of adultery. I've dealt with toxic relationships all my life. I seem to attract those kinds of people like #@$%& attracts flies. I took only recently learned to identify what narcissism is. I saw many videos on YouTube on that subject. Videos by Jordan Peterson were the first exposure to identifying this toxicity and the beginnings of figuring out who I am personality wise and found out I am a severely damaged INFJ.

I also tested as INFJ. Narcissism is simply the vice of pride.

 

[journeyman]

Hi Maria1217
I think our dear Lord way saying love our neighbors the same way we would ourselves, not us before them but the same way. And ( yikes ) how much more,

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father Mt.5:44-45 NIV

And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled 1Cor.1:21

Many times God would send his servant to me and my response would be "Get away from me you Jesus freak! Sure glad he kept coming.

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2Cor.5:20 NIV

 

[Maria1217]

Hi Maria1217
I think our dear Lord way saying love our neighbors the same way we would ourselves, not us before them but the same way. And ( yikes ) how much more,

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father Mt.5:44-45 NIV

And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled 1Cor.1:21

Many times God would send his servant to me and my response would be "Get away from me you Jesus freak! Sure glad he kept coming.

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2Cor.5:20 NIV

We desire the same good for our neighbors which we desire for ourselves, but the love we have for our neighbor must come after the love which we have for ourselves. This is evidenced by the fact that we would rightly refuse to commit sin in order to free our neighbor from sin. God wants us to love Him above all things, and in loving Him we find our happiness, and in finding our happiness we desire that our neighbor should also partake of this happiness in God. The love of neighbor presupposed the love of self.

 

[journeyman]

We desire the same good for our neighbors which we desire for ourselves, but n. God wants us to love Him above all things, and in loving Him we find our happiness, and in finding our happiness we desire that our neighbor should also partake of this happiness in God. The love of neighbor presupposed the love of self.

Sis,
We agree that our Heavenly Father comes before all,

[[A Song of degreesof David.]] Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! Psa.133:1

Now I beseech you brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. 1Cor.1:10

We can agree if we choose to listen to one another.

You said,

the love we have for our neighbor must come after the love which we have for ourselves. This is evidenced by the fact that we would rightly refuse to commit sin in order to free our neighbor from sin.

No we wouldn't, because we're all guilty sinners and guilty sinners in Ukraine are killing guilty Russian sinners to prevent them from more sin.

 

[Maria1217]

Your reply makes no sense. If a woman were to commit suicide in order to prevent another from the sin of murdering her, such a woman would violate the love she owes to God first and then to herself by obeying God’s commandment: “Thou shalt not kill.” The proper order of love must be God first, as the Catholic Church has always taught, then oneself, and then one’s neighbor.

 

[journeyman]

Your reply makes no sense.

It does if you contemplate what's being said. I like fellowship.
I agreed with part of your first post , but not the other for the reason I gave. My reason included your reasoning.
I will never duck anything you say. Not because i'm a know-it-all, but because after what he did for me I want to know more about him. God has taught me about my life from his Word Jesus, without whom I would know much less about his word the Bible.
So please take time to acknowledge what what I said, what I cited and what my point was and I will too!

If a woman were to commit suicide in order to prevent another from the sin of murdering her, such a woman would violate the love she owes to God first

I fully agree. That's why our humble Savior didn't kill himself when miserable sinners nailed him to a cross.

Trying to kill God is a sin, because it shows people breaking the 1st commandment.

Our God didn't run when violent men blindfolded him and punched him in the face. How about spitting on him? What about contradicting Christ causing discord?
Our blessed King endured the sins of mankind. He bore every sin listed in the 10 commandments. We've all broken some. and therefore are guilty of all,

For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. Jas.2:10

and then to herself by obeying God’s commandment: “Thou shalt not kill.”
The proper order of love must be God first, as the Catholic Church has always taught, then oneself, and then one’s neighbor.

For a minute I thought I was in the wrong forum... whew,

The Messiah put God first and others 2nd....or we wouldn't be here fellowshipping.
I want you to consider how Jesus appeased his Fathers wrath.

I ask you to think about how you would feel if evil men attacked the person you love most... just because they hated him.

We agree the Father and Son are One My point is If God had not turned his anger away sinners would be judged,

When a crime is not punished quickly, people feel it is safe to do wrong. But even though a person sins a hundred times and still lives a long time, I know that those who fear God will be better off. The wicked will not Ecc.8:11-13 NLT

 

[Maria1217]

I fully agree. That's why our humble Savior didn't kill himself when miserable sinners nailed him to a cross.

So you do agree, then, that if a woman commits suicide in order to prevent another from the sin of murdering her, she thereby violates the order of love. Such an act would show that the love of her neighbor was above her love for herself and, ultimately, above her love for God. It becomes a total reversal of the proper order of love. Such a love is disorderly.
When we love God above all else we show this love by obedience to His Will. Now we know that it is His Will that we should not willingly offend Him by grievous sin even if by doing so we would prevent the sin of our neighbor. We love God so we obey Him, we love ourselves in God so we don’t want to be separated from Him by our willingness to offend Him, and we love our neighbor as we love ourselves by desiring the same good for them that we have in God. Hence the need to recognize and follow the proper order of love.

On another note, having taken the time to read your posts, I reply to those things which are understood. Where your words make no sense it’s not possible to make a reply, except to let you know that they make no sense. Perhaps you’ll be able to clarify what your point is and hopefully give some examples.