My Aunt used to say:
Better alone
Than mal-accompanied.
(comes out better in Italian).
Meglio soli
che malaccompagnati.
Christian Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
-
-
Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
WHY ISN'T THIS GENERATION GETTING MARRIED?
- Thread starter GodsGrace
- Start date
Better alone
Than mal-accompanied.
(comes out better in Italian).
Meglio soli
che malaccompagnati.
The lyrics say exactly what others are stating, like Marci and Riven (but I have to read his again).
It's like we are just using each other and don't really have real love or concern for the other person.
Maybe the young aren't willing to sacrifice anything?
And the good have to suffer for the bad - by the bad I mean those that use persons.
Yeah, this leads to not trusting anyone.
And trust has to be number one in any relationship.
Love, respect, trust.
They (the polls) say that as a man ages, he can still find a mate.
As a woman ages, it become harder and harder.
I think a woman has a better capability of living alone just practicality-wise, and the feeling sinks in, as has happened to you, that a mate may not be worth all the pain involved.
My husband and I loved each other fully, but, yes, there was pain involved too but a deep commitment to stay together our whole life.
I don't see this anymore.
The attitude SEEMS TO BE, if it doesn't work out, we'll get a divorce.
That's not the attitude to have to go into a real marriage.
Oh my gosh. I've never posted so many sad emoji.
Can part of the problem be that women want to work - have a "career" - since this seems to be what makes persons feel important nowadays? Maybe this causes men to get past the age when they're looking for a true companion? And then they don't care as much anymore and start to reason the way you do?
I mean, what do you mean by MARRIAGE IS SEEN AS A LAST RESORT.
(careers come first?)
Cute puppy.
Bad habit.
Rub nose...why?
I think he gave his opinion...
It seems right in many ways.
People always slept with people outside of marriage.
I can't see that as being the cause....
(of not getting married, I mean).
Dorothy Mae
Member
Not to the degree of acceptance today.
Why pay for something you can get for free? Single mother families were rare. Now they’re common.
jasonc
Member
But then it means THEY DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER
and should not be married in the first place!
So then it's a good thing they didn't get married!
Marriage if forever, or it's supposed to be.
This is one of the problems IMO, the young see all this divorce and get scared,
or think it's normal.
jasonc
Member
I didn't say it was right but only that most think of what I can get out of it versus the reality of the honeymoon fades and we age and trails come .the love ebbs and work must be done .
He has cancer ,she has Menopause..
Riven
Member
Yeah, I guess it is. Although it's based on being the guy who's on the outside looking in. Never married and everyone I know has been married and divorced several times. Been through it myself when I was a kid and it's really not a pleasant experience.
I see the potential value in marriage of the two people stay together. I wasn't trying to denigrate marriage with my original post or anyone that's married. It was more of a reaction to seeing what a divorce does to a family.
Because they're rebellious and immoral and want pleasure without the responsibility of it and want options and polygamy and be able to bail out. And not take accountability or responsibility.
I as a part of this generation can see why that seems attractive but I want to get married.
Dorothy Mae
Member
Jordan Peterson talks about this. He says that women are lied to regarding the satisfaction of job over family and realize it too late. As it is, a woman has few years to find a mate because of biology. If she educated herself, the years lengthen while she’s doing this and then possibilities are even further reduced. Many universities have a female to make ratio of 2 to 1, so that narrows it further. Eventually she is competing against younger females as well. The higher her education, the less the chances of finding a male and having a family.
When I was in college a professor reported on a study done that found the highest number of people being satisfied were married men. The second highest were single women. The third were married women and the most miserable were single men. I can see that.
My parents went through a divorce, and it was painful to go through as a child. But the bigger problem is sin and separation from God, Riven.
My father loved me and I loved him, and he was there for me when my mother was off trying to make it in music. But was a drug dealer in his earlier life, and had a mean side to him, and I'm not sure if he did something he thought he could not be forgiven for, but he would not turn to God. Resented Him.
My mother loved me and I loved her, but she did things to my father that were unforgivable, and grounds for divorce according to scripture, and it ruined the relationship. So they had to part ways, or my teenage years would have been spent with two people who were coming to blows, and might have killed each other. She almost hit him full force across the head with a frying pan one night, so I think divorce was the better option than staying together once things got bad, at least for those two. And they never really got better for either, because neither ever chose God. She had numerous other relationships, two that lasted for years, but never remarried and is now alone by herself and struggling to survive financially. He remarried, but to the wrong woman, and died an unhappy man who I'm praying came to Christ on his death bed, because his earthly life was lived without ever knowing what it would be like to be loved by a woman.
Separation from the Lord Jesus Christ is the problem, which starts with sin. People either don't want or don't think they can turn to God, and unless they do they will remain in their miseries and die lonely people.
BroRoyVa79
Member
This goes back pretty deep into our society in the West devaluing traditional values and saying they weren't progressive or forward thinking enough to advanced society, primarily women, and were a hindrance.
I think Riven touched on it from a male's perspective, but I'd say the male perspective has gradually come about due to the female perspective and society's coddling of said perspective because of the hyper man hating feminist movement.
What the culture says to girls - young women: "Being a mom is slavery. Being a wife is slavery. You don't NEED a man to do anything. (There are vids of young girls foolishly saying they could have children, absolutely without any men. When the guys and girls tried to explain to them where sperm came from, they still didn't get it. This is one example of the extreme.) Get married when you've fulfilled all of your career goals. Be like men. Get married to your career, there will always be a "fantasy romance man" there waiting to marry you whenever you're ready. Cooking and cleaning are beneath you, that's slavery! Submissiveness is slavery! Men are all evil, lustful beasts, lying in wait in the dark corners of everywhere looking to take advantage of you and the patriarchy will help them get away with it. Sleep with as many men as you want, it's what men do. Don't let them slut shame you, girl! Where the clothes that make you feel better, those men better not look at you! If he leaves take him for everything he has. If you hit him, he can't do anything because it will be seen as abuse. If you abuse him no one will believe him. Girls rule the world! You deserve an ultra high value man, have your standards in the clouds of fantasy land, there's someone out there that will meet them. You don't really have to meet a man's standards, men shouldn't have standards, that's misogynistic. You did something wrong? Don't worry about it. Here, we'll give you a super light sentence compared to what he got. Etc. Etc. Most damaging of all for certain communities is the government will pay you to have children so long as there's not a man in the house. So, young woman who likely got her values and principles from public schools and her peer group, go forth and never get married to your children's fathers because you will get a monthly stipend, magic government money to buy food, free or super cheap housing. Oh, warning: Once you start trying to do anything to better yourself, you might get kicked off of all these programs once you get your first check from your new job. Depends on where you live."
Starting to see a pattern?
What the culture says to boys - young men: "You're too toxic (if he acts like a boy). You're too aggressive (if he acts like a boy). Here, let's put you on this drug to make you calm down (if he acts like a boy, although, to be fair, they don't do this as much as they used to when I was growing up). Women don't need men. Women don't need you to do anything for them at all. Women only want you for money. Women only want you to make babies with them and then go away and then pay them money (child support). Even if you can prove the woman isn't fit to raise the children, family court will still give her the children and make you pay her and the government money (child support). You're worthless. Society no longer needs you. You're only worth anything when you give women money. You're only worth anything when you die, but not really, after you die we will dig up everything wrong about you and drag your name through the mud (to be fair, they do this to women who don't think right also). We don't want you to be masculine, but we want you to be masculine when we want you to. We don't want you to be traditional unless we need protection, then we want you to be traditional and come protect us. How dare you call yourself the leader of your home, that's misogynistic. How dare you have standards for the type of woman you want, that's misogynistic. How dare you say you want a woman to be a homemaker, that's slavery. How dare you say you want a woman with traditional values you racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic [insert every current year buzz word in the book, especially if said male is of the light skin color group membership] Etc. Etc. Etc. Most damaging of all for certain communities is, the government will pay her to have children so long as you are not the man in the house. So, young man who was likely raised by busy parents and got his values and principles on life primarily from public school and his peer groups, go forth and make many, many, many children out of wedlock."
So, the overarching problem is culture. Culture influences everything. Culture removes one parent from the home, creates a two parent working household which leaves the children to be raised by strangers by way of public schools and their peers. Busy parents working to pay bills in a two-working-household economy that's been around since women fought to go to work, these busy parents often don't make time to instill in their children traditional values like "get married to the right person" because they were the product of busy parents who didn't do that.
Speaking for myself. I grew up in a divorced home. My mom remarried, and spent all her time in a combative relationship. Yes, one time, after I got big enough I had to jump on my step father cause he hit my mom. It wasn't a regular occurrence and after he and I got into it, he never did that again. At least, not in my presence. Don't really know what he was thinking when he did. He was drunk. I digress. The point I'm making is that you have children like me, who get their idea of a relationship from a combination of broken households with bad relationships, their friends, and the culture: music, television, movies, etc. The latter which form fantasy ideas or very, very, very bad ideas in their mind on what a relationship should be or simply how to use the opposite sex for personal gain, etc.
It's a problem that would be very difficult to fix as current trending social culture in the West is very much against any sort of traditional value system. It sees it as regressive. Despite the flaws of the progressive value system that has been advanced in Western culture for decades. Despite the harm it does to women and men.
I mean it's so bad that despite my Christian beliefs I'm thinking of telling my son and three daughters to just never consider getting married, but at the same time I want to tell my three daughters to trash the feminism if they want to find decent men, but will have to also warn them that most young men have checked out due to the way society has robbed men of having a voice.
Last edited:
Agreed, only in Christ two such people are supposed to separate, with the hopes they can get their heads together and maybe work things out on the next go around.
I see very little wrong with separation, because it gives time and space to gain a better persecutive. And as they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" instead of increasingly resentful. But for the unsaved, many just scrap the whole thing, or make the mistake of seeing someone else. Bad idea.
But being alone (i.e. separated for a time) can be a blessing in many ways, as you are more free to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, and when that's the reason, it becomes a positive rather than a negative, as you often become a better person in the process.
jasonc
Member
Ugh the need to have a discussion with Jaci over this.
She is a tom boy with a mix of drama queen .lol.
I have grappled her ,she started trying to play fight me and her mom was like well you grappled Nathan ,afraid because its a girl ? I was like no.i hesistate because jaci has no experience and I can control her and start to submit and she might not know to tap .Nathan did because he was in the dojo .
My wife and the mother of jaci and Nathan were tomboys .
I plan to take jaci to gun range and let her shoot the smaller pistol . I will teach her how to clean it as well.
Riven
Member
It was kind of tongue in cheek. Last resort meaning they're getting older and certain things take priority over others. That can be health, a desire for stability, or a career.
I myself have been approached by 40-something women who were very upfront about wanting to find a stable guy to settle down with that can provide them with financial security and the whole family thing. Which is fine, most of them were good looking, but they had kids from previous marriages or outside of a marriage. Which is not something I would be interested in.
It can also work in the reverse. You get married young, have a couple kids, and a dog. One that doesn't poop in your hat. At some point, the woman gets bored. You're an older guy now and maybe you just don't do it for her anymore.
Now she wants the young 20-something that doesn't even have a career or any ambition whatsoever. But he's a surfer and he gives her the tingles. So she files for divorce, she gets the kids because of course, and she also gets half of everything her husband worked for.
So here you are with a mortgage payment, vehicle payments, insurance, the whole thing, your wife has left you for a loser, and you only get to see your kids on the weekends. You also have to live with the mental image of surfer guy slapping her thigh and ridding the wave in.
If we could go back to the 50's, I would love to get married. Women back then were more stable and trustworthy. They took marriage very seriously. It really was a commitment for life. But now it isn't. It's more like an item on a check list. It's the thing that women want to do at least once, you know, because of the dress, all eyes being on them, the gigantic wedding cake, the honey moon, and all of this sort of thing.
So really, the guy is the one taking all the risk here. In any divorce proceeding the deck is stacked against him. And I think a lot of guys these days are aware of this and they're not getting involved in this mess. They can read the divorce statistics in America. I can't speak for other countries, but here it is... definitive.