advice please... my mind is pretty stuffed.

[Agarash]

Hi,

I really need to talk to someone about this, hopefully i can VENT here and get some advice. I live in a house with 2 of my best friends (also guys) and recently a girl (all of us roughly the same age) moved into the one vacant room. now this girl... what a girl...what a woman of God..she really brings out the best in me, she is so sweet, and beautifull... I made a topic a while back here on whether i should confess my feelings towards her or not.

so in short, i did tell her my feelings, only to get rejected. it was painfull. but luckily we seemed to salvage our friendship, and everything was going very good, and i was very happy. until...

You see i told my 2 best friends the whole thing, askes them for advice...and they did help me. but now.. after this whole issue, I think there is something happening between this Girl and my one best friend. I am picking up all the signs that the 2 of them are getting something going... and it is torturing me up to the utmost pain I have ever felt! Why do i feel so? why cant i accept that she can date whomever she wants, and my friend also? but surely he knows how i feel about her, and still do (I told him), and yet i catch all these clues that the 2 of them are together...in secret.

I really havent been able to sleep, at all for the entire week. it feels like my friend betrayed me. im not angry towards her, but my friend... he told me that there will never be anything between the 2 of them. maybe i feel that he is lying to me. but why cant i accept this, the 2 of them possible together? why? why am i so jealous over a girl that doesnt even feel the same about me as i do about her?

what must i do? backoff and let things play out, or confront Him and ask him, or confront her? is this really my place to be all upset and angry? or must i just swallow the pain and try to move on?

help.

 

[Scott]

Never let a woman come between friends. If she likes the other guy, so be it. Be understanding, its a hard thing to do but its honorable. Since she was honest with you about her feelings, you have no reason to be angry with her. If you think the situation for you is too much for you too handle while living with them, you might consider moving out. Be honest with them all. Out of sight and out of mind (eventually) may be the best thing you can do. It can be a tough shot to your pride, but that's not always a bad thing.

 

[Featherbop]

You see i told my 2 best friends the whole thing, askes them for advice...and they did help me.

What did they do to help you?

after this whole issue, I think there is something happening between this Girl and my one best friend.

This sounds like something that one would convince himself of after this kind of thing happening.

You really wanted this girl, and now that you know that you can't have her, you are paranoid about someone else, and even worse, a friend, getting her.

I am picking up all the signs that the 2 of them are getting something going... and it is torturing me up to the utmost pain I have ever felt!

What are the signs that you are picking up? Someone looking from the outside of your situation would be able to more acurately judge the legitimacy of the supposed signs.

Why do i feel so?

Rejection, or course. I hear it hurts. Emotionally.

why cant i accept that she can date whomever she wants, and my friend also?

Because you strongly feel that she should be yours. You are not entitled to have anyone. But this does not seem to be how you feel.

but surely he knows how i feel about her, and still do (I told him), and yet i catch all these clues that the 2 of them are together...in secret.

I have two thoughts: Perhaps the two had started a relationship before you revealed your feelings to her.

If you really think that they are in a relationship, hire a PI. That should at least put your uncertainties to rest.

I really havent been able to sleep, at all for the entire week. it feels like my friend betrayed me. im not angry towards her, but my friend...

This indicates to me that you in some way, subconsciously perhaps, consider their relationship(if there is one) to be cheating. The typical victim of cheating is at first angry with the one having an affair with his partner.

why am i so jealous over a girl that doesnt even feel the same about me as i do about her?

Because you cannot have her. People tend to desire that which they cannot have.

what must i do? backoff and let things play out, or confront Him and ask him, or confront her? is this really my place to be all upset and angry? or must i just swallow the pain and try to move on?

help.

Give yourself a week to calm and recover. Restore your mind to a more rational state, and then after this, investigate the clues and look for an answer. If you don't want to do it yourself, or do not want to seem obvious, hire a PI. It is understandable to be angry and jealous. But stop after a reasonable time. Rejection is done to everyone that exposes his heart and lowers his guard. However, you must get over it. It isn't that terrible. This is not a tragedy.

 

[Agarash]

thanks alot. i really needed to hear what you said. I need to get over her, and move on. whether or not the 2 of them are together or not... its none of my business.

thanks for taking the time to read the entire depressing post...and replying. I still think that if my suspicions are true, that one would expect my best friend to come talk to me first and say something like:

"i just want to tell you that i like this girl also, and i know you do to, but just want you to know that this is the situation, so that you know".

seeing as he didnt do this, i am probably paranoid about the entire thing.

cheers

 

[Featherbop]

thanks alot. i really needed to hear what you said. I need to get over her, and move on. whether or not the 2 of them are together or not... its none of my business.

thanks for taking the time to read the entire depressing post...and replying. I still think that if my suspicions are true, that one would expect my best friend to come talk to me first and say something like:

"i just want to tell you that i like this girl also, and i know you do to, but just want you to know that this is the situation, so that you know".

seeing as he didnt do this, i am probably paranoid about the entire thing.

cheers

No problem, glad to do it.

I think you sound better already.

 

[Agarash]

just an update, it turns out i never was paranoid, its true. my best friend and the girl. they are trying to hide it from me, its making me sick. i feel so stupid worrying about this, but i simply cant put my mind at rest.

i feel my reasons for feeling so angry/sad/depressed is really stupid. but i cant help it.

i know i will handle this, surely there is something God wants me to learn from all this. just at the moment im feeling:
a) betrayed by my best friend for lying to me about him and this girl and going after the girl i told him i love.
b) dissapointed by the girl, under the circumstances i really felt due to the friendship we have (or a least i thought we had) she could have at least told me about this.

 

[Mike01075]

Can I ask one.....maybe brutal question?

What would happen if you thought about God as much as you do her? Do you think that God may have allowed this to happen becasue you may have placed her higher than God?

My first thought would be grab your bible and hang at a friends house for a weekend or a week. Get away from the situation....and get real with God. Lay these concerns at this feet and trust that his hand is in both your lives and will do what is best for both of you..... : I hope this didn't come off the wrong way?.?.?.

God Bless brother.....

 

[KnarfKS]

One of my first thoughts is actually that you shouldn't be living in most situations with a woman who is not a family member in the house. It allows for too many things to occur.

Secondly, you are the one who is making your friendship difficult. You talked to her and she said no. Doesn't reflect any bad upon you or her, she just doesn't think you 2 would work out. Now she is free to do what she wants. Your friend is interested in a girl you have been turned down by. There is no chance for you, but he might find happiness with this girl. Your best friend didn't betray you by dating a girl that said no to you. The lying is wrong I do agree.

Not to be harsh, but you need to suck it up and accept that she is with your friend. I bet neither one of them is trying to hurt you, it just works out that way sometimes. I also bet they were trying to hide if from you because they knew it would hurt you, as it obviously has. It actually sounds like you have 2 good friends who are getting together so figure out the lying part because that was wrong. And then be happy because they are happy together. It isn't about you sometimes.

A similar situation occured to me also, but I knew that she wouldn't date me so I accepted it and hoped for the best for them both. They are not married and I'm very good friends with both of them. God works things out for the best. She was obviously not the one, so God actually has someone even better for you. We only see whats right in front of us, but wait and God will show you something even better.

God probably has a hot strong Christian woman waiting in the wings for you and it just isn't time yet.

 

[Agarash]

God probably has a hot strong Christian woman waiting in the wings for you and it just isn't time yet.

sometimes i find it very hard to believe this. i know God doesnt want us to be alone, but sometimes.... i just dont believe it.

 

[GA_Teg]

God probably has a hot strong Christian woman waiting in the wings for you and it just isn't time yet.

sometimes i find it very hard to believe this. i know God doesnt want us to be alone, but sometimes.... i just dont believe it.

I am going through the same thing, waiting for God to send the one he wants me to be with. It is hard, but you have to wait on him to reveal her to you.

As for your situation with your friend and this girl, I will tell you right now from expierence it is not going to get any better until you let the whole thing go. I am actually going through the same thing right now with my best friend but you have to realize that if God had ordained it, there would be no doubts in either of your minds. That is what I have to keep telling myself about her no matter how much I want her. Just be happy for your friends and an give it all over to God, he can pull you through this.
God Bless

 

[Scott]

i know God doesnt want us to be alone,

Are you sure about that? I believe that would be His first choice for our lives. See 1 Corinthians 7. Notably verses 1, 8, 32-35.

 

[GA_Teg]

i know God doesnt want us to be alone,

Are you sure about that? I believe that would be His first choice for our lives. See 1 Corinthians 7. Notably verses 1, 8, 32-35.

I agree to a certain extent, it also says right after verse one

2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband

I believe he would like for us to be unmarried to concentrate on him but if the desires are there then I believe he would want us to be married
verse 9

9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion

 

[KnarfKS]

I believe he would like for us to be unmarried to concentrate on him but if the desires are there then I believe he would want us to be married

GA-teg, I think you and Scott are on the same wave length. Singleness is the first choice, but if you have desires to marry, then marry. But there is a matter of timing. I think God still wants us to be extremely weary of who and why we marry also. Just because we desire it doesn't mean the perfect mate will pop up in front of us immediately, we may have to wait until God sees fit.