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Breakups >_>

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7ruth

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What are some good ways to deal with breakups? Do any of you have good tactics? And I'm talking about when the other person breaks up with you and you go along with it.

None I've my tactics ever work, they just delay the pain soon too come. Is the pain inevitable? Can it be stopped?

For me, after a breakup I kind of go into a state of shock and try to delude myself into thinking that I'm fine, it works for a while, but then the pain comes. Sometimes it last for a week and other times months.

A while ago I had a breakup and went through the whole pain process, I took it hard, and I started doing some terrible things. Luckily I dropped all of those things about a week ago and I'm over her. I just wan't to know what to do the next time, also for my friend he is dating this one girl and its obviose that she is going to breakup with him and hurt him.

Thanks,
 
I've never had a girlfriend relationship so I can't speak from experience, but like lots of things of this world I imagine the pain is inevitable. Trust in God that He has a plan for you, that's all I can suggest.
 
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I would say don't get emotionally or romantically attached too soon. Guys tend to get attached too quick and easy, and we hate it sometimes. We are usually just interested in talking and hanging out with no strings attached especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. If you're dealing with a recent breakup, do other things to distract yourself. Pray about it and talk to Christian friends who can encourage you and comfort you. God bless !
 
Coming from someone who has a bit of experience in this area I have a few pointers.

1. Before a relationship: Do not get attached too quickly as a previous poster stated. If things do not work out it will really help and reduce the amount of pain and increase recovery time greatly. When you get too attached too quickly and things do not work out, you will be left thinking about that person you are now attached to, and not be able to get them out of your mind no matter what you do and it will give you pain thinking about them all day long. So as a rule of thumb, do not get attached too quickly. I recently was getting interested in a girl and started to get a little attached and I was starting to not be able to do anything but think of her or wait for text messages or phone calls. I quickly snapped myself out of it and told myself we are just friends and did not let myself get attached. Right now she is my friend and I do not think about her all day long, which I cannot tell you how much it helps.

2.I would be very cautious about jumping right into relationships from the beginning also, unless you know for sure God is speaking strongly to you about it and not your lust. If you are interested in somebody, just be their friend and see if its somebody who you really like to be around and see if she has all the qualities you want in a woman, then, if its meant to be, it will lead into something more and if not then you just have a friend.

3. If you are in a relationship or just starting one, do not get too touchy and feely. Although its extremely difficult to resist, being physical can take your mind off the real qualities you desire in somebody and blind you with the "fuzzies" or "stars" or whatever you call them. I had to learn the hard way.

4. Dealing with a breakup: This is the hardest to usually deal with because you are now broken up with somebody who you probably shared secrets with, spent a lot of time with, gave your trust to, and so much more. It's basically like losing somebody very close to you, especially when you are on the receiving end of a breakup where you were the one who wanted to continue and the other did not. The first thing you really have to come to realizing is that "its over". I let my pain drag on forever because I couldnt get past this part. For months I was hoping we could still work things out or that she would call me even though we never talked once since. It took me a long time to get to the "its over" realization stage. Once you get to that stage, you can begin your recovery in which only time and prayer will heal. You can add things in like doing some recreational activities or being with your friends to take your mind off the person which will help. It will not help if you are still not past the "its over" stage though because you will always be thinking about them and hoping things will still work out and maybe they will call you or thinking about some new guy she may be with and the list is endless. So really the biggest thing you can do to help during a breakup is.. move on. Do not let your feelings drag on for her. Pray that God will heal your heart and recover. Get some friends or find some recreational activities to keep your mind off her the best you can.

Hope this helps a little.

John.
 
Well thank you all for you advise.

Yeah I do have a problem with rushing into relationships :bigfrown , I dont know I just like to be compassionate with the girl, and they usually like it, but we just end up loosing each other somewhere along the line :verysad . But yeah next time I'l try to slow things down a bit.


Also JohnEboy. I understand the part where we just have to accept that its over, but theres a problem. About a week after we broke up she told me that she misses dating me and still likes me, but just wan'ts to be friends for now, and aked me in the futer if we could go out again and stuff. I felt the same way and I thought we should go out again in the futer. So its not compleately over. Also in the hallways she always gives me this look and stares at me.
 
Also JohnEboy. I understand the part where we just have to accept that its over, but theres a problem. About a week after we broke up she told me that she misses dating me and still likes me, but just wan'ts to be friends for now, and aked me in the futer if we could go out again and stuff. I felt the same way and I thought we should go out again in the futer. So its not compleately over. Also in the hallways she always gives me this look and stares at me.

She is really confusing you isnt she, lol. She breaks up with you and tells you she just wants to be friends, but also tells you that she misses dating you and still likes you and she stares at you. It sounds like she doesnt quite want to be with you, but she also does not want to give you completely up... so in a way.. while she decides, she wants to put you on hold. If it were me, I would not stop looking because of waiting on this girl, and not put my life on hold for her. I am sure in some cases you may have to show your love for a woman by constantly waiting on them until they realize you are truly devoted to them, but I wouldnt hold my breath for a minute unless God really spoke to me about it. I cant say one way or another on what you should do, but I know you should not drive yourself crazy waiting on her. It definitely would result in greater heartbreak if you were to wait and wait and she ends up with somebody else in the end. Ultimately, you have a life to live of yourself and cannot be on hold because of her. I would pray over this to God and trust in him that it will work out if its his will for your life and if not, let it not work out.
 
Yeah she is sort of confusing me lol :grumpy

Its hard to decide whether to wait for her or to find other girls. I mean I try to get interested with other girls, but I just don't see me dating any of them because I wouldn't be able to forget her, well I probably could with a few certain girls, but they are very limited.

I feel wierd inside when I walk by her. Yesterday it was like she was hypnotized, she made it obviose that she was staring at me and she did it for about five seconds. I didn't stare back though, I don't know why, I just didn't. Mabye I was scared I honestly don't know.

We haven't talked in such a long time, and she only gets her phone on the weekends. Its become sort of awkward now, because its been so long. Initially after the break up we talked every weekend through text and nothing in real life. Then when I got banned from electronics for a month there was no talking at all because I didnt have my phone. I talked to her after grounding was over, but it was about 4 messages though. She got a new phone and I'm not sure if she has me on it yet, mabye thats why she hasn't texted me this weekend yet. I just wan't to see her at least make an attempt to talk to me. Mabye she is waiting for the same thing as I am. Its confusing. Next weekend I'll text her regardless though.


Luckily though I'm not sad over it, I was, but I feel nothing right now and havent been feeling anything for about a week. And I look foward to next year. Mabye things will change us, mabye we'll meet different people, I don't know.
 
You don't have to have a girlfriend all the time, 7ruth. Just see where God takes you. Perhaps this is a sign from Him to stop for now and wait for the right one to come along. :twocents
 
You don't have to have a girlfriend all the time, 7ruth. Just see where God takes you. Perhaps this is a sign from Him to stop for now and wait for the right one to come along.

Nick may be right. It may just be a time for you to be single and serve God while he works things out in your life. You also wouldnt want to go out with anybody else if you still have your mind on this girl anyways or you will be the heartbreaker. I am just about 27 and been single for over 2 years now since my last girlfriend. I swear it seems like nothing is working out right now for me as I am being obedient as I can to the Lord, but the singleness may just be that God wants me to be single for now and I can trust in him because I am living my life the best I can for him.
 
JohnEboy1983 said:
You don't have to have a girlfriend all the time, 7ruth. Just see where God takes you. Perhaps this is a sign from Him to stop for now and wait for the right one to come along.

Nick may be right. It may just be a time for you to be single and serve God while he works things out in your life. You also wouldnt want to go out with anybody else if you still have your mind on this girl anyways or you will be the heartbreaker. I am just about 27 and been single for over 2 years now since my last girlfriend. I swear it seems like nothing is working out right now for me as I am being obedient as I can to the Lord, but the singleness may just be that God wants me to be single for now and I can trust in him because I am living my life the best I can for him.
:thumb.

Take a look at this passage:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
 
Yeah I understand how I don't have to be dating the whole time, its just hard though. I try to get a mindset of remianing single for a while and wait for the right one to come along, but all of that is shattered as soon as I see her.

I only have twenty days of school left, so I won't see her at all until next year probably, which should work out pretty good because I won't think of her as much. It also could be very bad too because I might start missing her.
 
7ruth said:
Yeah I understand how I don't have to be dating the whole time, its just hard though. I try to get a mindset of remianing single for a while and wait for the right one to come along, but all of that is shattered as soon as I see her.

I only have twenty days of school left, so I won't see her at all until next year probably, which should work out pretty good because I won't think of her as much. It also could be very bad too because I might start missing her.
You might miss her, but it will hopefully give you time to seek God more, and to seek HIs Will on this matter.
 
Yeah I miss her, I can't deny it or hide from it. Today was just a terrible day too, it made me miss her a lot.

Whatever though I'll survive.
 

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