Life direction and some thoughts

[Riven]

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm heading in the right direction. Some days, I feel like I've finally figured it out. I became a Christian and finally felt like I found my place. It was a step in the right direction. But I still feel discontent.

At night when it's quiet, I'm awake with my thoughts. I was in a very bad car accident last November and driving isn't the same anymore. It's what I loved most about my job. Now I feel a little tense. I remember the sound, the feeling of my sternum breaking, looking up and seeing the concrete light pole getting closer and closer until I hit it. They were amazed I was even alive. Now it's been close to four months at home and I'm still not completely healed. It's a real drag.

So I've never been one to complain about my problems. I never want to lay my burdens at the feet of others. But in some ways, I still feel like that guy who's being pulled like a rubber band in both directions. The light and the dark, and some days the dark seems more attractive. It's such a messed up feeling not knowing where you stand. Where do you plant your feet, drive a stake in the ground and say, yes, this is my place?

I'm 34 years old and I still haven't figured it out. I see other Christians and they seem so happy. Like they found their place and are close to God. That's their life. It seems like a good one. I envy those that are secure in their faith and have that close relationship with their creator. It makes me bitter. I don't think it's fair.

It's kind of like fighting for an army with no flag. How do you do that? At some point you start to question what the hell you're doing. The thing is, I'm not who I was before my brother died. That person is dead. I look at pictures of myself back then and it feels like I'm looking at a kid that died years ago and that, in some weird way, I took over, and I'm living what was supposed to be his life. It was supposed to be a better one, that's for sure.

I feel like an incomplete person and I hate it. I don't know how to fix it. I've tried everything. I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry for complaining. I know everyone has their own struggles. But I've never talked about mine. Since others were sharing, I thought maybe I should, too.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I'm 34 years old and I still haven't figured it out. I see other Christians and they seem so happy. Like they found their place and are close to God. That's their life. It seems like a good one. I envy those that are secure in their faith and have that close relationship with their creator. It makes me bitter. I don't think it's fair.

Relax. I recall reading something about your accident, and wondered how you are online so much, and then realized the two likely went together.

I'm gonna let you in on a little something. Nothing in your life is an accident. It might sound cruel, but the Lord is more interested in your eternal welfare than just about you enjoying the drive to work, although I can assure you He has the power to restore that for you if you get your priorities lined up right. But my suspicion is that you have been brought to the very place you are right now so you would be immobilized, and essentially have a great deal of time on your hands to learn about the things of God. That's the start. Learning.

But as for others having a close relationship with God, I don't think anyone hasn't gone through many years of struggles until they finally got things together, having placed more and more of their lives in His hands. I've heard it compared to being slowly pulled away from the earth's orbit and more and more tightly into His, and with that comes the best changes in life, because the closer you get to God the more EVERYTHING comes together, and I mean everything. You eventually reach the place where you have:

1. No money worries, and not because you are always making it but because you have absolutely no doubt He will provide, no matter what's going on.

2. No emotional problems, because for one thing you just grow so close to Him that you are never without the Best Friend in the world. That, and He has a way of putting great people around you. Even if they leave for a time, the kingdom of God is one big family, so you never truly lose the people God brings to you. They always come back around.

3. No serious health problems. Some choke on this one, and there can be some situations that will require believing God for healing for quite some time, but you learn to trust God for your health just like you trust Him for your finances, your relationships, everything, and the more you see Him coming through for you, the easier He becomes to trust. I've yet to encounter a health problem that I haven't healed myself out of by simply praying, believing God and waiting things out. The medical field can help, but they can also make mistakes. But when your primary focus is on praying to God and believing Him for healing, the answer always comes with time.

Let me give you an overriding scripture passage that helped me a lot early on, and that has helped me throughout my Christian life ever since. It's almost second nature to me now, but I know I'm still doing it without even being conscious of it anymore.

The passage is this:

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all he does. (James 1:5-8)

What it means is, God will answer you about ANY issue you don't understand, if you simply believe that He will and keep praying and believing Him for it. The answer might come in a day, it might come next week, or it might come about a minute or two after you ask. The only people it won't come for are those who don't keep asking Him for it and believing Him for it. They don't understand that the reason why we often don't get answers from God immediately is because He knows there are things we don't yet understand, and that you have to learn A before you will ever understanding B. If something is really complicated, it may take Him teaching you D, E, F, G and H before you finally get the full picture. But most things aren't all that complicated, and the more you learn from God the easier it is for Him to teach you more.

Learn how to receive wisdom from God through prayer, and it will start calming your concerns, about everything. But trust me, He will heal you in time if you just learn the lesson I believe He may be teaching you right now, which is to get your priorities right, and put Him first in life. If you get that right at this point in your life, EVERYTHING will eventually start falling in line, and with it you will walk in a joy and fulfillment in your life that you never knew existed.

Forgive any typos. That was a long one.
- H

 

[PrimFinallyFoundGod!]

Hi Riven it sounds to me like you may be dealing with PTSD, as you are having intrusive thoughts about the trauma, flashbacks and finding it difficult to move on. It's a very common condition that affects all kinds of people from different backgrounds and trauma, please speak to your doctor about it so you can be given a few sessions of CBT or similar. Healthcare is very important whether physical or mental. In addition to this, maybe consider a prayer journal if you don't already have one? I've found it really helpful on more pressing issues and clarity for my prayers when I feel they are "extra important". God can provide you with strength and opportunity to heal from this, ask and you will receive. Just keep your eyes peeled as his support can show in many ways (as you've told me before)
I hope you are able to access the healthcare you need and I wish you well. This is not weakness or unchristian of you. It is the brain simply doing what it does when under emmense stress (trauma). You got this <3

 

[Riven]

Hi Riven it sounds to me like you may be dealing with PTSD, as you are having intrusive thoughts about the trauma, flashbacks and finding it difficult to move on. It's a very common condition that affects all kinds of people from different backgrounds and trauma, please speak to your doctor about it so you can be given a few sessions of CBT or similar. Healthcare is very important whether physical or mental. In addition to this, maybe consider a prayer journal if you don't already have one? I've found it really helpful on more pressing issues and clarity for my prayers when I feel they are "extra important". God can provide you with strength and opportunity to heal from this, ask and you will receive. Just keep your eyes peeled as his support can show in many ways (as you've told me before)
I hope you are able to access the healthcare you need and I wish you well. This is not weakness or unchristian of you. It is the brain simply doing what it does when under emmense stress (trauma). You got this <3

Thanks, Prim. My medical plan doesn't cover therapy and it's very expensive. I've been trying to drive as much as possible when I have to go places. If I don't it just makes it worse.

I think I'll get past it eventually. Just gonna take some time. I imagine it's kind of like surviving a plane crash. It takes time before you can trust it again.

Honestly, there's a bit of a stigma surrounding therapy in the States, especially if you're a guy. You're expected to man up and get over things and move on. So even if I was able to go to a few sessions, I don't know how I would feel about it. I'd probably end up making a joke of the whole thing.

Therapist: "So, tell me about your feelings, Joe."

Me: "I feel constipated."

Therapist: "That's... unfortunate."

Me: "You have no idea."

Therapist: "How long has it been?"

Me: "Three months."

Therapist: "Oh, God."

 

[PrimFinallyFoundGod!]

Thanks, Prim. My medical plan doesn't cover therapy and it's very expensive. I've been trying to drive as much as possible when I have to go places. If I don't it just makes it worse.

I think I'll get past it eventually. Just gonna take some time. I imagine it's kind of like surviving a plane crash. It takes time before you can trust it again.

Honestly, there's a bit of a stigma surrounding therapy in the States, especially if you're a guy. You're expected to man up and get over things and move on. So even if I was able to go to a few sessions, I don't know how I would feel about it. I'd probably end up making a joke of the whole thing.

Therapist: "So, tell me about your feelings, Joe."

Me: "I feel constipated."

Therapist: "That's... unfortunate."

Me: "You have no idea."

Therapist: "How long has it been?"

Me: "Three months."

Therapist: "Oh, God."

That's a shame, I was worried you'd say something like that. Healthcare needs a serious overhaul! It just isn't working.

Yeah avoidance is actually part of PTSD, you avoid the reminders of the trauma but as you recognise that makes the anxiety stronger. So driving as much as possible is good.

What about an advanced driving lesson or 2? NOT because there is ANYTHING wrong with your driving!!!! But because, in doing this, maybe you'll feel more confident and less afraid? This may in turn reduce your trauma overall?

If that is again too expensive perhaps theres some cheap or free learning material online?

Trying to think..

Maybe learning about the mechanical side of cars would help a bit? Turning your fear into more fascination and therefore more positive emotions?

Try googling "fear of driving" I just did and there are loads of tips and resources for challenging the fear.

Obviously praying as I said

Would anxiety medication be something you could access? Or a more natural form of anxiety treatment like teas etc?

The other thing which is more a general anxiety tip I've learnt from mental health services is mindfulness. You take the time to stop and ground yourself. So for an example. Try to imagine this as you read it: Feeling the seat beneath you, the texture of the steering wheel. Is it cold? Is it smooth or does it have ridges in it? The seatbelt against you. The air from the window if it is rolled down. Music playing if you choose to play it. What else can you hear? Maybe birds chirping outside or pedestrians talking. What can you taste in your mouth? Maybe a minty taste or the last thing you ate lol. Is it salty or sweet? What can you smell? Maybe the fresh air or one of those car freshener things?

If you do this when at an appropriate moment it can help ease your anxiety. This is because anxiety is heightened irrational fear messages the brain is receiving due to phobias, triggers, hormones etc. Grounding yourself directly challenges the anxiety by reminding you where you are, what you are doing and who you are. These things become a bit distorted when we have anxiety and this is what usually causes a panic attack.

Hopefully this helps. I really do wish you luck. Perhaps you can update us when you start to notice thngs helping/getting better? God bless and take care <3

 

[Riven]

That's a shame, I was worried you'd say something like that. Healthcare needs a serious overhaul! It just isn't working.

Yeah avoidance is actually part of PTSD, you avoid the reminders of the trauma but as you recognise that makes the anxiety stronger. So driving as much as possible is good.

What about an advanced driving lesson or 2? NOT because there is ANYTHING wrong with your driving!!!! But because, in doing this, maybe you'll feel more confident and less afraid? This may in turn reduce your trauma overall?

If that is again too expensive perhaps theres some cheap or free learning material online?

Trying to think..

Maybe learning about the mechanical side of cars would help a bit? Turning your fear into more fascination and therefore more positive emotions?

Try googling "fear of driving" I just did and there are loads of tips and resources for challenging the fear.

Obviously praying as I said

Would anxiety medication be something you could access? Or a more natural form of anxiety treatment like teas etc?

The other thing which is more a general anxiety tip I've learnt from mental health services is mindfulness. You take the time to stop and ground yourself. So for an example. Try to imagine this as you read it: Feeling the seat beneath you, the texture of the steering wheel. Is it cold? Is it smooth or does it have ridges in it? The seatbelt against you. The air from the window if it is rolled down. Music playing if you choose to play it. What else can you hear? Maybe birds chirping outside or pedestrians talking. What can you taste in your mouth? Maybe a minty taste or the last thing you ate lol. Is it salty or sweet? What can you smell? Maybe the fresh air or one of those car freshener things?

If you do this when at an appropriate moment it can help ease your anxiety. This is because anxiety is heightened irrational fear messages the brain is receiving due to phobias, triggers, hormones etc. Grounding yourself directly challenges the anxiety by reminding you where you are, what you are doing and who you are. These things become a bit distorted when we have anxiety and this is what usually causes a panic attack.

Hopefully this helps. I really do wish you luck. Perhaps you can update us when you start to notice thngs helping/getting better? God bless and take care <3

Yeah. I went into shock at the hospital and that was the most unpleasant experience I've ever had in my life. Wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I was avoiding driving without really realizing it. I would come up with an excuse not to do it. Eventually I started to see the patterns and corrected it.

It's almost entirely visual. Like when I see a car ahead of me that's about to turn into my lane it makes me nervous because that the last thing I saw before impact in the crash.

I agree with the healthcare in this country needing an overhaul. There's people out there Who have suffered a lot more than me and could use a professional to talk to. But the corporations don't see it that way.

Thanks four the tips and your kind words Prim. You have a good heart and it means a lot.

God bless.

 

[Christ_empowered]

As a psychiatric survivor I’d advise minimizing contact with the psych industry..,

 

[PrimFinallyFoundGod!]

Yeah. I went into shock at the hospital and that was the most unpleasant experience I've ever had in my life. Wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I was avoiding driving without really realizing it. I would come up with an excuse not to do it. Eventually I started to see the patterns and corrected it.

It's almost entirely visual. Like when I see a car ahead of me that's about to turn into my lane it makes me nervous because that the last thing I saw before impact in the crash.

I agree with the healthcare in this country needing an overhaul. There's people out there Who have suffered a lot more than me and could use a professional to talk to. But the corporations don't see it that way.

Thanks four the tips and your kind words Prim. You have a good heart and it means a lot.

God bless.

I totally agree. Yeah classic PTSD I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'll DM you

 

[PrimFinallyFoundGod!]

As a psychiatric survivor I’d advise minimizing contact with the psych industry..,

I am too, I think you have to be careful, I've personally had some bad experiences. But there are well meaning mental health care pros out there and it can help especially for PTSD

 

[Lalas]

Riven, so sorry to hear that you have been deeply affected by your car accident. . . An injury like that can be extremely traumatizing and scary! But thank God you are alive and working through your struggles as you grow in your faith. Sometimes we just need to take one step at a time.

As others have said before me, nothing is purely coincidental. God has a plan for the events that occur in our lives, even when we don't understand the how and why. When the night closes in and we inwardly despair because we can't see beyond that darkness, God whispers to us, draws us to Him, and calls us to trust Him. He knows what is going on and He wants us to rely entirely on His strength.

It is a tough journey being a Christian as we try to navigate through the enemy's territory that is this sinful, fallen world. But God's grace is sufficient-- more than sufficient-- to uplift and empower us. Jesus has equipped us with the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) so we can remain steadfast in our faith. He has sent the Holy Spirit (John 14:26-27) to guide and comfort us. God cares for us so much that even the hairs of our head are numbered! (Luke 12:7). So how much more would God take interest in your well-being and recovery? If you delight in the fact that our Lord, the All-powerful, the All-knowing God, loves you unconditionally and He is on your side, no problems of this world can be too difficult for Him to manage. We just need to trust Him.

When your soul, mind, and body grow weary from the challenges you face each day, I encourage you to read this verse. . . "Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30).

Praying that God will give you peace and healing.