H
heart broken
Guest
I apologize for the long posting. I do ask for your prayers as I am heart broken.
My husband of almost 8 years has recently left 10 days ago. He was a loving, responsible, and Christian guy when I married him. We attended church regularly together as a married couple. After losing a high paying job 4 years ago, he had difficulty looking for and holding down jobs - most of the time he refused to look. When we had a baby, he decided to be a stay home dad and I agreed. I did at times pressure him to look for a job because of my own job insecurity, but always apologized and regretted. Partially to allow him not to work and allow me some peace of mind, I found a more secure job and we relocated. He was happy for a short time and then sunk into a depression. Refusing to do the child care any more, he also demanded relocating back - I could not do it immediately due to the job, but promised to do it in 2 years. He could not accept it and was constantly angry and resentful towards me.
When I could not take it, we fought bitterly and said many hurtful things to each other, even got into shoveling matches. My husband bought a one way ticket to visit his father across the country. The night before he left, I learned that he had already move most of our money to a few secret accounts and essentially moved out. (I was able to get half of the money back into a shared account.)
A couple of months ago, he denounced the Christian faith and broke up with several of our Christian friends after they pointed out the wrongs in his ways.
Since he has left, I decided to trust the Lord and not to fight him regarding money and other possessions. He has on a couple of occasions apologized saying his conscience was bothering him. He also said he did mean to denounce his Christian faith. Nevertheless, he would not return.
I feel so hurt and so desperate. I wish I can reach a state of numbness. When would God rescue me and end this suffering. At times, I want to die - I won't, but I want to. I pretend to be cheerful when facing my son and talking to my parents on the phone. It really, really hurts.
My husband of almost 8 years has recently left 10 days ago. He was a loving, responsible, and Christian guy when I married him. We attended church regularly together as a married couple. After losing a high paying job 4 years ago, he had difficulty looking for and holding down jobs - most of the time he refused to look. When we had a baby, he decided to be a stay home dad and I agreed. I did at times pressure him to look for a job because of my own job insecurity, but always apologized and regretted. Partially to allow him not to work and allow me some peace of mind, I found a more secure job and we relocated. He was happy for a short time and then sunk into a depression. Refusing to do the child care any more, he also demanded relocating back - I could not do it immediately due to the job, but promised to do it in 2 years. He could not accept it and was constantly angry and resentful towards me.
When I could not take it, we fought bitterly and said many hurtful things to each other, even got into shoveling matches. My husband bought a one way ticket to visit his father across the country. The night before he left, I learned that he had already move most of our money to a few secret accounts and essentially moved out. (I was able to get half of the money back into a shared account.)
A couple of months ago, he denounced the Christian faith and broke up with several of our Christian friends after they pointed out the wrongs in his ways.
Since he has left, I decided to trust the Lord and not to fight him regarding money and other possessions. He has on a couple of occasions apologized saying his conscience was bothering him. He also said he did mean to denounce his Christian faith. Nevertheless, he would not return.
I feel so hurt and so desperate. I wish I can reach a state of numbness. When would God rescue me and end this suffering. At times, I want to die - I won't, but I want to. I pretend to be cheerful when facing my son and talking to my parents on the phone. It really, really hurts.
I will pray for you as well, may God give you comfort and convict your husband of his wrong. 
I request waves of refreshing from His throne of grace in your times of need to lift your mind and heart toward Him continually. May He safely guard you and your son to anchor and strengthen you both through His goodness. For He cares for you...
. You are in my prayers also.