Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

[Heidi Mighty Mo]

OK, I know there are two other threads about this but they both seem to have veered from the original topic so I hope no one minds if I start a new one. Please note, I felt it was safe to post this considering the forum title and issues that have already been openly discussed here.

I believe that both men and women can and should enjoy both the physical and emotional aspects of intimacy. Sex in marriage is a gift from God that He made for both the husband and wife to enjoy, reading the Song of Solomon should make it obvious to all.

I found some interesting links to check out:

http://www.maranathalife.com/marriage/mar-sex1.htm

A quote from the above link:

When the Talmud talks about sexual frequency, it bases it upon the man's occupation. If a man was a sailor, obviously he wouldn't be home every night. Same if he was a traveling merchant. However, for most of the people, then just as now, the man is home from his work every night. In those cases, the Talmud says that a couple should have sexual relations a minimum of once a day. The Old Testament understanding of God's word matches up with Paul's writings in the New Testament.

http://www.maranathalife.com/teach-ot/cantares.htm

Now a quote from that link:

4:16 "Awake, O north wind and come, O south!" - She is asking her spouse to stimulate her garden with caresses to promote the growth of her sexual passion.

"Let my beloved come to his garden" - The Hebrew word (literally, "enter" or
"come into") is used frequently of sexual penetration (Genesis 16:2).

"eat of the sweet fruit" - the wife asks the husband to perform oral sex on her.

Hmmmm......I do realize that last quote is more one person's interpretation (sounds good though!) but I think we can see through The Song of Solomon that sex in marriage is more than for the purpose of procreation as some people seem to think.

 

[Featherbop]

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[God's Child]

God created the concept of marriage. Husbands and Wives are supposed to be companions.

 

[Nikki]

Droopfeather,

Gotta disagree with you there. I could care less if I EVER had sex again. I have 0 drive since having my kids. So, marriage is not based on sex. I'm perfectly happy just sitting watching a movie with him or him hugging me. He used to be hurt by it, but he understands that it's nothing personal towards him. Just a hormone thing. That's what kids do to ya sometimes!

 

[Heidi Mighty Mo]

Droopfeather,

Gotta disagree with you there. I could care less if I EVER had sex again. I have 0 drive since having my kids. So, marriage is not based on sex. I'm perfectly happy just sitting watching a movie with him or him hugging me. He used to be hurt by it, but he understands that it's nothing personal towards him. Just a hormone thing. That's what kids do to ya sometimes!

I do understand that and when my kids were young like yours, I felt the same. Part of it is the hormones and part is that you are so tired and part of it (the main one for me) was overcoming my own insecurities about my body. Trust me though, it can and does get better if you allow it to and no, we don't have to have sex to feel love and intimacy, but it can help too. My husband and I have great sex but it was after years of very little while the kids were real young.

One thing to keep in mind is that the more you get, the more you want because the hormones that increase your desire for sex, increase with more activity. Also, I don't care how tired you are or if you have a headache, sex makes it better!

 

[Featherbop]

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[Featherbop]

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[Featherbop]

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[God's Child]

Sex is not the basis of marriage. Husbands and wives should be companions, but they can be companions and have sex at the same time. When God created the world and looked at everything he created he said, "It is good, It is good, It is good, It is good." When he got to man(Adam), he said "It is not good." God made Adam a companion. All of the other animals were paired off but Adam was not. God created marriage.

The pastor at my church has been talking about marriage in the service for the past month or so. When I'm older, I'm not going to get married so I can have sex with that person. I will get married so I can spend the rest of my life with that person, as close friends that love each other. Since we will be married, it will be okay to have sex and it will be something that we can enjoy together.

 

[Featherbop]

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[Heidi Mighty Mo]

Taboo questions? I don't think they are. I love my husband very much and if something happened I would certainly miss the sex, but I love him enough not to leave him for that. Am I lying? No. But you can choose to believe whatever you want.

Sex is an important part of marriage, but marriage is also far more than sex.

I don't know who all you are looking at when you say marriage doesn't work but our marriage has made it through some hard times and I have seen other marriages that have survived much worse than what we have gone through (adultry - both ppl, unable to have children, cancer, you name it). I have not only seen these marriages survive, but have seen the incredible amount of love they have for each other even after all of that. Could they have survived on human love alone, it is possible I guess but in most cases doubtful. Because they allowed God to be the center and take over in those hard times, they made it through.

My purpose for bringing up this thread was not for this topic, though it is a good one and I feel should be discussed, maybe you can start another thread on that. My purpose is to let people understand that within marriage, we have certain freedoms that many Christains are unsure about. Some people actually believe that oral sex or other positions besides "missionary" style are sin. I think it is sad that people are afraid to "spice" things up because of their misunderstandings of what is allowed.

 

[Featherbop]

.......

 

[Heidi Mighty Mo]

Hey, I am not upset with you at all. No need to apologize and I didn't think you were mean at all. No worries.

 

[Bryan]

Sex is not the basis of marriage. Many people have sex all over the place without ever getting married.

It is a partnership in all aspects of life that, while it includes sex, encompasses far more than that. We are talking about finances, emotional support, care and nuture, spiritual support, and may other things that go far beyond the tiny box you are trying to shove it into, Featherbop.



A little off-topic, but why do you post under two different names droopfeather/featherbop?

 

[Nikki]

Ok, something else.

What if a person in the marriage for some reason can't ever have sex again, or to begin with? Wouldn't make a difference to me!

Do you just live without it? There are other ways of recieving pleasure. I won't go into detail.

Do you divorce? Why would you? Like I said...if one felt the need to be "pleasured", there are other ways to take care of that.

What if you find your true love, and want to marry them, but they are sexually disfunctional? So?

Do you find another good person that is? No

What if you marry someone, only to find out soon after that you can't ever have children with them? And you cannot adopt? Why couldn't I adopt? All it takes is money. There is ALWAYS a way to adopt.


Everyone seems to shy away from the taboo questions.
I dought anyone will answer them, honestly that is.

Oh, and I was 100% honest with my answers. :

 

[Featherbop]

Bryan: The kind of widespread "marriage" that exists today neeeds no help from me to shove it in a small box.

And about the 2 names, Featherbop and droopfeather are both characters of mine I use in drawing,writing,etc. They are the same character actually.

________

Nikki: Its easy to answer emmbarraseing question on a message board.
i dought you would answer them publicly or on the strret or anything.

It also takes more than money to adopt, you have to be a fit parent.

One last thing, noone needs to pleasured. Its purely want, not need.
If it were a need, some people would die if they didn't get sex, and I don't believe thats the case.

 

[Blue-Lightning]

Marriage serves many purposes, but the principal of marriage that allows all of the opportunities it affords is this:

Two people of the opposite sex, unconditionally and unceasingly bound together in love and care for the other.

When two people make that committment, if allows the following events to take place:

1) A healthy, psychologically intimate sexual relationship that can edify a relationship instead of a physical drive.

2) The opportunity to bear children into a family with a stable and healthy environment for psychological development.

3) A lifelong edification from another person who cares more for you than for theirself.

4) A sincere relationship that should mirror the relationship God has with those who choose Him, the church.

BL

 

[Nikki]

You should know by now that not much embarrases me. If you asked me that stuff face to face, I'd answer you the same exact way. Some people tell me "that kind of talk should be kept private". I disagree. It's a fact of life and you don't understand things or know things unless you ASK.

Keep the questions coming and I'll keep on answering them TRUTHFULLY

 

[Featherbop]

BL: The way you described it, it sounds like a scam with benefits.
_________

Nikki: yes, I can tell your not emmbarrased. I've got the questions if you've got the answers. Just curious, how personal of questions would you answer? Are there questions you wouldn't answer? I'm not emmbarrased to ask the questions. I just want the honest answers, but I have trouble making sense of it all. I'm sure i'll figure the solution to lifes enigmas eventually.

btw, I noticed you've asked my age several times.

How old do you think I am, and how do you picture me exactly?

I'll tell my age eventually, just not yet.

 

[Nikki]

Sometimes I think you're really really young...like 17. Other times I think you're close to my age (26)!

What questions wouldn't I answer??? That's a hard question in itself! I'm trying to think. :-?

I can't think of anything! I know for a fact though, that I can only go so far on the forum here though. In fact, I'm sure I've already crossed some limits. :-? If I have, then hopefully someone would PM me to let me know.