iwll42
Member
I wish not to judge him, and I always have avoided ever saying any harsh word to him, or behind his back, I never gossiped bad things about my brother. And I hate the fact, that he's still 30 yrs , and still unemployed, and that I had to say to him what would be perceived as harsh and judgmental, where I had to point out his flaws and where's he's failing and constantly sabotaging himself.
I do not want to judge him, neither it will ever be my intention. I always was trying to be understanding from his perception, to understand his struggles and temptations, and I really do, and always advised him so, and he appreciated my advices.
But time has come, that he truly is lazy, and have victim mindset, avoids work, and whenever he have to work harder he's complaining how hard it is, always find excuses why he couldn't do something, and someone else had to do it for him, while he watches other do it he's talking how he wish he could do that.. I mean, I've always noticed that, but feel like my parents were enabling to him, while to me they were harsh. Like when I was growing up, I couldn't play games on PC, while him could all day, on family PC he declared his. And now, it seems tables turned.. I'm more knowledgeable than him, stronger, better looking.. and he's now out of shape, just because he doesn't put any effort, but like he's waiting someone else to do work for him. While I in hard work, prayed to God, not to end up homeless, and all my hard work to go to nothing... I never told anyone those prayers and my self-doubts, but I know if he heard them, he would say "that I shouldn't pray that, I should stop pushing myself that hard". But I don't know any other way to push myself other than hardest I can, because I don't want to end up unemployed like him, even though I put a lot of hard work, unlike him who really expects others to do work for him.
He never stayed in job longer than 6 months. He's got truck driving license, but he's doing nothing with it. He wants to go to big trucks immediately, because he doesn't like work conditions in jobs with smaller trucks or van. But if he worked with smaller trucks, he would get paid at least. How is it possible that he doesn't want to work due to bad working conditions. How he doesn't feel shame for being 30yrs, and have no social life, but still live off parents...
My parents don't give him money, he's just sitting in home, eating and sleeping, and browsing. He doesn't even have good PC. How he doesn't feel burning desire to change, to put up with all hell it takes, just to get through it, to work hard.
He still doesn't show that desire to work hard.
I'm gonna finish college, and he's still a loser basically. It's true.
I'm so saddened that my oldest brother is still unemployed, and he got opportunities, but those opportunities required hard work in order to keep the job and improve. And he didn't worked hard enough, and in some cases, he just gave up, because he said "it's not job for me". But you can't choose ideal job, up to your checklist what you like to do. In job, many employees work other people jobs, it's nature of all jobs.
He got bad money management, he once got good truck company, he got probation period, but he screwed it up again, by complaining about his work schedule. Spent too much money on food in restaurants, which was just too pricey for him at a time of life.
I promised myself that I will work hard, without complaining until I get job myself, and I will shut down any complaining in myself, and just get required experience, be thankful for opportunity to get money, and grow in career.
I can't instill that mindset in him. I'm not sure if he truly understands consequences of his choices.
This country is not West, jobs are scarce, if parents throw him out of house he will be destitute and hardly get another chance of having any respectable job, because truly he have nothing left in life as well. Parents think about sending him to psychiatric hospital (because he throws tantrums, when you directly confront him, that parents can't continue to forever like this).
Oooh, how simple solution it is, he just need to work and work hard without complaints.
I told him multiple times, I was sometimes harsh and realistic, how his odds are, and still he complains about much stuff always. I wouldn't complain.. In fact, when I finish college, I won't complain, if I get job in programming, so I could advance my career in that which I worked hard for, I would be thankful and stay silent. So I can get more stable after 3-4 years in same company.
And yet, my oldest brother would complain "how you can stay at single company for too long"..
Well, I don't mind staying 5 years or even 10 years. If I got nice pay, that's fine for me. As I'm gonna work job I love, and know I avoided alternatives worked so hard to avoid.
How do we push my oldest brother to get a job ? He won't accept job in factory, because that's where most people can get hired even for high school, which is only what he have. He dropped out of college, didn't wanted to learn.. he never worked hard enough, even if it felt like hell.. I did, even if it felt like hell, and it still does, I will go through hell of hard work, in order to accomplish this. Apparently that's too hard for him..
I do not want to judge him, neither it will ever be my intention. I always was trying to be understanding from his perception, to understand his struggles and temptations, and I really do, and always advised him so, and he appreciated my advices.
But time has come, that he truly is lazy, and have victim mindset, avoids work, and whenever he have to work harder he's complaining how hard it is, always find excuses why he couldn't do something, and someone else had to do it for him, while he watches other do it he's talking how he wish he could do that.. I mean, I've always noticed that, but feel like my parents were enabling to him, while to me they were harsh. Like when I was growing up, I couldn't play games on PC, while him could all day, on family PC he declared his. And now, it seems tables turned.. I'm more knowledgeable than him, stronger, better looking.. and he's now out of shape, just because he doesn't put any effort, but like he's waiting someone else to do work for him. While I in hard work, prayed to God, not to end up homeless, and all my hard work to go to nothing... I never told anyone those prayers and my self-doubts, but I know if he heard them, he would say "that I shouldn't pray that, I should stop pushing myself that hard". But I don't know any other way to push myself other than hardest I can, because I don't want to end up unemployed like him, even though I put a lot of hard work, unlike him who really expects others to do work for him.
He never stayed in job longer than 6 months. He's got truck driving license, but he's doing nothing with it. He wants to go to big trucks immediately, because he doesn't like work conditions in jobs with smaller trucks or van. But if he worked with smaller trucks, he would get paid at least. How is it possible that he doesn't want to work due to bad working conditions. How he doesn't feel shame for being 30yrs, and have no social life, but still live off parents...
My parents don't give him money, he's just sitting in home, eating and sleeping, and browsing. He doesn't even have good PC. How he doesn't feel burning desire to change, to put up with all hell it takes, just to get through it, to work hard.
He still doesn't show that desire to work hard.
I'm gonna finish college, and he's still a loser basically. It's true.
I'm so saddened that my oldest brother is still unemployed, and he got opportunities, but those opportunities required hard work in order to keep the job and improve. And he didn't worked hard enough, and in some cases, he just gave up, because he said "it's not job for me". But you can't choose ideal job, up to your checklist what you like to do. In job, many employees work other people jobs, it's nature of all jobs.
He got bad money management, he once got good truck company, he got probation period, but he screwed it up again, by complaining about his work schedule. Spent too much money on food in restaurants, which was just too pricey for him at a time of life.
I promised myself that I will work hard, without complaining until I get job myself, and I will shut down any complaining in myself, and just get required experience, be thankful for opportunity to get money, and grow in career.
I can't instill that mindset in him. I'm not sure if he truly understands consequences of his choices.
This country is not West, jobs are scarce, if parents throw him out of house he will be destitute and hardly get another chance of having any respectable job, because truly he have nothing left in life as well. Parents think about sending him to psychiatric hospital (because he throws tantrums, when you directly confront him, that parents can't continue to forever like this).
Oooh, how simple solution it is, he just need to work and work hard without complaints.
I told him multiple times, I was sometimes harsh and realistic, how his odds are, and still he complains about much stuff always. I wouldn't complain.. In fact, when I finish college, I won't complain, if I get job in programming, so I could advance my career in that which I worked hard for, I would be thankful and stay silent. So I can get more stable after 3-4 years in same company.
And yet, my oldest brother would complain "how you can stay at single company for too long"..
Well, I don't mind staying 5 years or even 10 years. If I got nice pay, that's fine for me. As I'm gonna work job I love, and know I avoided alternatives worked so hard to avoid.
How do we push my oldest brother to get a job ? He won't accept job in factory, because that's where most people can get hired even for high school, which is only what he have. He dropped out of college, didn't wanted to learn.. he never worked hard enough, even if it felt like hell.. I did, even if it felt like hell, and it still does, I will go through hell of hard work, in order to accomplish this. Apparently that's too hard for him..
