Where did I fail?! What is going on with my girls?!

[Nikki]

K (my 14 year old) came in my room while I was in bed late last night and shut my bedroom door. She started crying and told me that God has been telling her to tell me something that happened but that she's been too scared to but that God keeps telling her that I wouldn't get mad. So I'm sitting there frozen wondering what she's done and how I'm going to NOT be mad.

She proceeds to tell me through crying that she, her sister and her sisters best friend (very good friends of our family) were this particular website that I had never heard of. She said they had M's webcam over here (we don't have one on our computer) and were video chatting with strangers. She said the person they were chatting with convinced her to pull down her pants. She said she did it real quick and the person typed that she better do it again or he would post the video of her doing it the first time on youtube. she got scared and went running out of the room.

?!?!?!?! I've TOLD my kids to NEVER EVER EVER talk to strangers on the internet! I keep our computer locked and I guess this happened when I unlocked it for them and then I went outside to work in the yard. I've taught my girls not to disrespect their bodies! WHY WHY WHY would she do that?!?! She was all upset begging me not to tell anyone, but I told her that I WAS telling M's mom and that I was going to sit all 3 of them down and talk to them. I told K how dangerous that was and that the video of her doing that could be ANYWHERE now. She claims you couldn't see her face, but how do I know that?!

I am sick. DH got so sick when I told him that he almost passed out. Now he's to the point that he's almost punched the wall a few times. We are physically SICK over this.

I checked out the website and it BLOWS MY MIND. It's absolutely disgusting. They may as well be watching porn. How is this LEGAL?!

I don't know what to do. Both of my girls are scared to death now because I told them that videos of them could show up on youtube or be on any website. I'm thankful that my oldest told me and that God put it as a burden on her heart, but I'm worried sick now and I'm so disappointed. I STALK my kids internet activity and keep our computer locked the majority of the time. How did I not know they were doing this? :*(

 

[stovebolts]

Wow...

I'm sure she learned her lesson and it sounds like your responding accordingly. Sounds like she got caught up in the moment and did something stupid... that doesn't make it right and I think she's aware of that. Not to mention now she's fearful of that being plastered all over the internet, which it probably already is.

Sin is like that, it scars you and has the potential to follow you and poke it's ugly head out at the most embarrassing time. But if that time ever comes for this event, she should have a good enough reputation later on to say that it was a childish mistake, and she's learned. It's a childish exception to her character, not her foundation. In other words, it doesn't define who she is or her core moral base.

It sounds like she knows she messed up and although your angry, you need to use this as a teaching lesson or next time she messes up she might be too afraid to tell you. You need to figure out the right words to say to her to let her know your disappointed with her, but that you forgive her and that your glad she trusts your guidance enough to tell you this. She is at the age where you are parenting more by influence and not by authority, and she needs to trust that you've got her best interest in mind and why. If she understand the why to your guidance, it will help her to trust your judgment in future events.

 

[Nikki]

I am just so sick over this. I often see girls on Facebook with barely any clothes on and I ask "Where are the parents??!!". Now I'm one of those parents. I feel like such a failure. My kids KNEW better. I can't believe this has happened with my children, in my home.

The authorities are well aware of the website, so it's not like I can even report it. Here is an article about a guy that stalked girls and was arrested:

http://www.mountain-news.com/news/article_6b8415da-6e2e-11e1-a9dc-0019bb2963f4.html

 

[phantom309]

Thats rough,hate to hear about that.

You cant blame yourself..you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.Same with kids in many regards.Youve obviously taught her right/wrong but its up to them to make the right choices.Given her age shes prone to making many stupid decisions,and I can just about guarantee it wont be the last.

I wouldnt beat yourself up over not knowing it happened.As a former juvenile headache,I can tell you no matter how hard my mom tried to keep an eye on me or lock me down,I always found a way to shake loose and do something if I was determined enough..and mom was no pushover so believe me it wasnt easy at times.

The important thing in each scenario is just reinforcing those lessons and handling things the best you can,which as far as I can tell youve done admirably.I wish yall the best,I know it always hits home a little harder when its a daughter involved.

 

[handy]

One thing to keep in mind is that she came to you and told you about it!!!!

That is really an important testimony as to the fact that you are doing some things right, Nikki!

I'm sure it's the same mentality that caused Viola to text a boy with really inappropriate things... something that she would never say face-to-face, but somehow the technology made it less real, until it was done. K probably felt the same way, that some how what she was doing wasn't really "real".. until she did it and realize what she had done.

Jeff and phantom are right, it was stupid mistake. Keep consistent in your message, your consequences and especially your love and hopefully she'll continue to come to you with her mistakes.

 

[Nikki]

Dora, now I know how you felt when you went through that with Viola. You just keep asking yourself "How in the world was it MY child?!". *sigh*

I'm just heartbroken and sick thinking about how the person could have recorded that chat and that people could be looking at what she did. :*(

 

[boolnz]

Wow, it took a lot of guts for your daughter to tell you that. I can't even imagine how disgusted she must be with herself. She would have been scared out of her mind to come to you for help.

Nikki, I think we should never underestimate the rush of hormones when it comes to teenagers, sex, and stupid behaviour. You seem like a responsible parent who strictly monitors her kids' activities, but in reality there's only so much you can do. I think what your daughter needs now is a lot of love and reassurance. She's scared out of her mind and has learnt the lesson in Internet behaviour. I seriously doubt she'll ever do this again.

It is unlikely that their videos will appear on the Internet. First off, the girls are confident their faces weren't on it. Secondly, there are strict laws about underage girls and pornography. What likely happened was that this sicko was making an empty threat to scare the girls into doing it again. I think you should consider going to the police if it will help you ease your state of mind.

 

[stovebolts]

Dora, now I know how you felt when you went through that with Viola. You just keep asking yourself "How in the world was it MY child?!". *sigh*

I'm just heartbroken and sick thinking about how the person could have recorded that chat and that people could be looking at what she did. :*(

Nikki,
I like your signature. I even think it begins to answer your question on why...

When things happen in your life that don't make sense to you, and you don't understand why, its because God has taken control. The real question then becomes, "Will you follow him"

In times like those, we keep forging forward, and we draw nearer to God for guidance. We realize that it's not us that's in control, but it's God that is in control.

Nikki, I know that you love God. And I trust scriptures when it says:
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

God will never give us more than we can bear and this is simply a reminder that we're not immune to the world around us. I would say at this point how you and your family works through this is way more important than the incident. The incident will allow your family to draw closer together, or it will divide you. Again, she is at the age where you should be parenting more by influence and less by authority and you do that by discussing, not lecturing on the why to certain things. I would encourage you to seek the things that draws your relationship closer, as are found in Galatians 5

 

[cupid dave]

K (my 14 year old) came in my room while I was in bed late last night and shut my bedroom door. She started crying and told me that God has been telling her to tell me something that happened but that she's been too scared to but that God keeps telling her that I wouldn't get mad. So I'm sitting there frozen wondering what she's done and how I'm going to NOT be mad.

She proceeds to tell me through crying that she, her sister and her sisters best friend (very good friends of our family) were this particular website that I had never heard of. She said they had M's webcam over here (we don't have one on our computer) and were video chatting with strangers. She said the person they were chatting with convinced her to pull down her pants. She said she did it real quick and the person typed that she better do it again or he would post the video of her doing it the first time on youtube. she got scared and went running out of the room.

?!?!?!?! I've TOLD my kids to NEVER EVER EVER talk to strangers on the internet! I keep our computer locked and I guess this happened when I unlocked it for them and then I went outside to work in the yard. I've taught my girls not to disrespect their bodies! WHY WHY WHY would she do that?!?! She was all upset begging me not to tell anyone, but I told her that I WAS telling M's mom and that I was going to sit all 3 of them down and talk to them. I told K how dangerous that was and that the video of her doing that could be ANYWHERE now. She claims you couldn't see her face, but how do I know that?!

I am sick. DH got so sick when I told him that he almost passed out. Now he's to the point that he's almost punched the wall a few times. We are physically SICK over this.

I checked out the website and it BLOWS MY MIND. It's absolutely disgusting. They may as well be watching porn. How is this LEGAL?!

I don't know what to do. Both of my girls are scared to death now because I told them that videos of them could show up on youtube or be on any website. I'm thankful that my oldest told me and that God put it as a burden on her heart, but I'm worried sick now and I'm so disappointed. I STALK my kids internet activity and keep our computer locked the majority of the time. How did I not know they were doing this? :*(

Christians are sitting and waiting for bad news to come sooner or later.
The Sexual revolution of the 1960's has destroyed the culture that had existed previously.

Young people are raised to believe marriage is acceptable only after the teens have passed, and the average age for matrimony is now age 26.
That defies common sense and reason, since puberty at age 12 would require abstience for 14 years, all through the actual peak years of desire and sex urges.

I know adults in general say marriage in the teens is too young, but they ignore that between 14-22 most all the 1.2 million annual abortions take place by never married girls.
Wlefare is enlarged by another 1.5 million illegitimate babies, too.

Marriage seems to me to be the social institution invented just for the purpose of collecting the young people into it, in order that the babies that seem to come during the teen years are responsibly cared for and raised.

I believe that the reason America delays marriage concerns money and status, the fear that it will interrupt education and that teens are too young to be responsible.

WOW.

The facts are that America has failed at Sex Education and the teens are really irresponsible when 1/3 of all pregnancies are aborted and 1/3 of all prenancies are illegitimate.

My recommendation is that good parents start raising American kids to think of getting married again, since the marriage rate has fallen and Welfare has grown.
Today, in Maerica, 50% of the births are illegitmate.

 

[Nikki]

I've told her repeatedly that I am extremely proud of her for coming to me. She told me she knew it was wrong, she was scared and she knew that God was disappointed in her. I know Jesus is living in her because of that! I'm trying to now turn this into a learning experience and hopefully she won't make a mistake like that again.

Wow, it took a lot of guts for your daughter to tell you that. I can't even imagine how disgusted she must be with herself. She would have been scared out of her mind to come to you for help.

Nikki, I think we should never underestimate the rush of hormones when it comes to teenagers, sex, and stupid behaviour. You seem like a responsible parent who strictly monitors her kids' activities, but in reality there's only so much you can do. I think what your daughter needs now is a lot of love and reassurance. She's scared out of her mind and has learnt the lesson in Internet behaviour. I seriously doubt she'll ever do this again.

It is unlikely that their videos will appear on the Internet. First off, the girls are confident their faces weren't on it. Secondly, there are strict laws about underage girls and pornography. What likely happened was that this sicko was making an empty threat to scare the girls into doing it again. I think you should consider going to the police if it will help you ease your state of mind.

 

[CS1]

where did you fail? no where your child came to you and God had enough love and concern for you that He put it the heart of your daugther to tell you. We live in a world where our children now hear this are Target # 1.2 and some many venues to inside our home to prey on them. I have two grils and we must monitor all PC searches becuase people out there will do everything they can to get your children.

 

[MaxTO]

Now are we sure that your daughter is not manipulating you by saying that " god told her to speak to you " ?

No doubt she knows how strongly you feel about God ? Could she simply be so worried about these pictures being made public , as she was threatened with , that she though it best for her to tell you herself , and what better way then to tell you what you want to hear , that God told her to tell you .

On a side note , if your daughter is looking for attention in such places she may need some other avenues opened up to her .

I , for what it's worth , don't feel that isolating her would be the answer , nor would some intensive bible lesson . Sounds like she needs to find some type of activities that she can thrive at and build her self confidence in a positive way where she can look to her self for strength and not seek self worth from perverted men .

Or , this could simply have been a one time mistake , such as teens of that age do make from time to time . You will know best as you are with her every day .